Page 65 of Storm
Why could I not keep my thoughts to myself? Why did I always blurt out everything I feel for her? Why did I call her by the nickname, which I had only ever used for her in my mind?
I had messed up.
She would never look at me the same way. Forget about friendship, she might go on to complain the college authorities if she felt threatened by my intentions.
Therefore, with a heavy heart, I picked up my phone and typed a text- a lie. Just to wipe away her fears, even if it did not mean that she would consider me a friend again. Yet I hoped it would not make her stay terrified of me.
‘Sani, I hope you understood that today it was a slip of tongue. I didn’t say your name that way on purpose. I wanted to say Sani, but it came out wrongly, as I was preoccupied. Then you just left without giving me a chance to explain. I understood you must have felt bad. Trust me it wasn’t intentional. And anyway, why would I call you by that name intentionally?’
I knew I had mocked her, appeared as an arrogant ass through this text. She would hate me. That was okay. I would take it. Anything would be better than her thinking of me as a pervert or something like that.
16- HE HAS EYES ON ME
Sani
I finally felt relaxed. Happy about the fact, it was just my misunderstanding that Aariz had feelings for me. Yes, I was hurt, that all my hopes were shattered. I was angry at my heart, for lying to me and making me think all those things and imagining all the mushy stuff in the first place.
But I was now at peace after having cried all night thinking about Aariz. I finally accepted that had I kindled those feelings for longer, the pain would have been too much to overcome. At least this way I had come out with just a scar on my heart, which would heal with time. If I kept reminding myself he was never anything in my life to miss, I will be fine. I hoped so.
Therefore, as the sun rose, I got my sleepless ass out of bed with a perspective in place. The hurt and sadness had left me in the state of pity party. While dressing up for college, I was ashamed of seeing myself in the mirror. Behind a guy, I had forgotten the life I lived, the friends and relations I had.
Every other day, I had been disturbed or pondering some meaning of Aariz's words, behaviour, actions. It had been weeks since I sat back after classes and enjoyed with my friends Rose and Mirelle. They had been complaining non-stop and not without reason. Dad and Grandpa were upset with me for being lost in my own world and not sitting down to chat with them or playing board games with them. My mind had blown with a new storm in my life called Aariz.
Now that he had made it clear that he never ever wanted any part in my life, the storm had passed. I decided I was going to be a survivor, not a casualty. I would go back to living without constantly thinking about him. Starting today, I would turn everything back to normal. I would makeup to my friends for not being there all this while. With this thought in mind, I entered the college campus with a swing in my steps.
There was still time for my lectures to begin. I sent a quick text to Rose and Mirelle, and they said they were on their way. I made my way to the Political Science (Masters) classes, to meet a friend of mine, who was also my senior, Tina.
“Hey Sani, long time!” greeted Tina the minute I met her in the corridor.
“Sorry, I haven’t been able to take the time off. Lectures are really hectic.” I smiled apologetically.
Tina nodded,
“I understand it’s your final year, so Professors might be really strict.”
We were chatting up when a classmate of Tina, who I guess had heard our conversation came forward excitedly,
“Hey are you Sani?!” she asked in an overly enthusiastic tone.
“Yeah...have we met before?” I felt awkward by such chirpiness coming from a stranger.
It did not suit her at all. With straight blond hair, straight nose, black eyes and pale complexion, she looked just so...so straight and well expected out of a normal college student, a serious type of girl next door, nothing chirpy about her personality. She looked nice, just nothing to write home about...
To my amusement, the girl actually beamed in happiness,
“In this batch everyone knows about you of course. Now we got the face to go with the name.”
“Ohkay! So what do you guys know about me?” I was curious now.
“That you are the topper in your Political Sci class. I mean, since last two years you have been getting the highest grades in Political Science. In addition, this year there are very good chances that you will stand first in the class while graduating. We also know that you are the toughest competitor for all your classmates. You love to read books and novels. You are intelligent. And yeah, one more thing, you are a very sincere student.” The girl finished, proud to display how well informed she was.
To say I was stunned would be an understatement.
I understood she was trying to make a fool of me. So I played along,
“I had no idea I am that good! How did you know?”
“It’s not just me, but our whole batch of Masters in Political Science knows all this about you.” The girls said quickly as if to reassure me of my greatness.
