Page 38 of Storm
Then finally sitting up on the bed, forehead in hands, I stated the facts aloud to myself. Just so, I could make a few things clear to my heart,
‘Sani you have acquired every waking thought in my mind. I can see your smiling face; even hear your laughter when I'm alone! I'm trying to maintain my distance from you. I really am trying hard Sanu. But you always pull me like a magnet without my will. One thing I have understood, trying to stay away from you is impossible. Hence, I guess, if I have to be around you, then that can only be as a friend. I have known so much about you since years. I want to have a closer picture now, want to know you inside out and wish for you to do the same. Know me, spend time with me, and be my friend. And then...’ I sighed in disappointme
nt, ‘you know very well that I was just trying to get you to speak to me, don't you know that Sani? We can be friends, right? We can be a lot. Then why are you still angry with me? Just so, you don't feel embarrassed that I only talk casually with you, I have now started talking to your friends as well. Still, you are cross with me.’
Thinking over my helplessness, failing of plans and desires, I fell asleep, with only one thought in mind- I need to know if she is seeing Sahil. I need to know everything.
Never knew just the fear of spoiling something and loosing someone could be so threatening...So killing.
Sani
A few days had passed by, while Aariz kept to himself around me. He did not try talking to me. At all. It felt wierd...This silence. I did not like it. Every day I went to college, attended all the lectures, but there was something missing. I couldn’t understand what. I did not feel happy anymore.
Like every other day, this morning as well, I sat down moodily on my seat as Aariz's lecture started. He was teaching like normal, about International Politics. Looking hot as ever in his stiff corporate attire that made me wanna grab him, kiss him hard and mess-up his crisp shirt, while turning his slightly curly hair into bed-hair. So yeah, he was astounding me as usual, and moving in front of the white board while explaining the topic. Just one thing was different. I could not help but notice that, while he was explaining the topic to the entire class, his eyes were only and only on me!
He cannot be serious! How could he do this after having kept himself aloof and not talking to me once in days?!
Now he was behaving all mysterious. Forget about joking, he was trying to drive me out of the college!
“Sani don't you feel like Prof Aariz is teaching you and you alone? He can't take his eyes off you.” Rose whispered nastily.
I stammered trying to keep my voice low,
“No... Uh...I don't think so. You’re wrong.”
“Well, I think so. By the way, did you have some argument with him?” Rose sized me with a look, “Because he is not just staring, rather he is doing it with intensity and seriousness in his gaze.” Rose sighed gazing at Aariz longingly, “Mmm... I think he looks hotter this way.”
I was already going red not with blush, but utmost embarrassment and fear. Fear of losing my friends and my reputation in college. I could easily hear the snide remarks behind Rose's alleged doubts. She would, they all would think he was favouring me in exchange of something. They would feel he was partial towards me.
Gathering all my wit, I gulped down the lump in my throat and snapped at Rose under my breath, trying to sound reproachful,
“No, he is not staring at me. Of course, he looks serious while teaching. Why wouldn’t he? After all, he is not cracking a joke here. So just shut the freaking hell up.”
I pretended to concentrate on what Aariz was explaining. While on the inside, I felt truly shaken on what was happening. I would have given anything to run from it right away. But that would have just confirmed the doubts, which I was sure might have crept in other students minds as well. Because of course, they must have noticed too, how Aariz was staring just at me, continuously.
I couldn’t even distract myself by trying to listen to the lecture. Because the main cause of my problem was the person teaching me, that’s Aariz. Who until a minute ago was looking at me alone!
Then suddenly as if he had realized his blunder, he turned his gaze away, staring anywhere but at me. Thank God, but too late!
Blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall, I spent rest of the lecture keeping my eyes down on my lap.
As soon as the lecture got over, and everyone started leaving the class, I too tried to rush out.
In all the rumble of students, I faintly heard him call my name,
“Sani.”
I did not turn around. Letting him think I did not hear him, and bolted towards the door crying silently, while trying to go unnoticed. I never wished to come back...Ever.
Aariz
When the classroom got empty, I sat on the chair with my hands on my head.
What is wrong with me? Of course, she noticed I was staring at her. She must be upset. She should be. Fuck! What has happened to me?!
I was not stupid enough to do it on purpose. The thing was I did not realize I was staring at her while taking the class. I was not looking at her in all my consciousness.
It was like, even I had no idea I was staring, and had absolutely no control over it. I was on autopilot. I just could not take my eyes off her. I was doing so unintentionally. It was like some sort of pulling I felt towards her after having tried hard to keep myself away from her since past few days.
