Page 54 of Storm
‘Sometimes I think it’s some other guy factor.’
His anger on behalf of his protective instincts was the least of my concerns.
With my heart thudding dangerously, I murmured,
‘What do you mean?’
‘That she is in love.’ Zidaan muttered casually.
‘She is...she...who is it?’ My breathing had gone abnormal and I could not form words.
‘Look, I have no idea if she is in a relationship with someone, or who the guy is. Relax!’
Then as if thinking better, Zidaan admitted in a reluctant voice, ‘But yes, it seems to me, that she might be.’ Pitying my silence he finally stated, ‘She is.’
I had heard enough, I hung-up the phone without replying to him. Taking my car keys, I left my office and drove off into the unknown. I just did not care anymore. My heart was on fire.
Everything was an illusion. Every hope I had kindled inside me was a lie, an illusion of my heartfelt thinking.
Sani you ruled my thoughts for years, but turns out you are not mine...You never were.
Enraged, with wild eyes I barged inside my apartment late at night. Zidaan called me a moment after I had crashed on the bed.
‘Aariz do you like her?’ was the first thing he asked.
Before I could reply he went on cursing himself,
‘Ohh no! I am sorry man. You never told me anything. I just said what I thought. Look, don't give up. If you want, I’ll ask her whether she is seeing someone, and even if she is, we'll get rid of that guy, right?'
‘No need. I don't like her that way.’ I said having calmed myself the hell down.
He refused to believe me. I appreciated his loyalty, but now he was being a pain in the ass.
I decided to set it straight with no holes for doubt,
‘It’s a fact. I never told you I like her, because I do not. Never have. Look, I have known her for like, five minutes. She is just a memory, which never turned into an adult relationship. I have never even actually seen her. How can I like a girl I barely know? Except for what I have been making you spill about her for years just to quench my thirst for her, to get my fill of her...All because, I had this madness going on inside of me...A stupid hope.’
‘What hope?’ Zidaan asked dripping with curiosity and I told him what I had kept to myself.
A yearning in the depths of my heart for years...Because yes, I had kindled some hope. Something I was not at all ashamed of admitting.
Therefore, I confessed to him,
‘I have always liked the storm of a girl Sani, whom I had met and come to know about. A walking-talking disaster, I adored. Therefore, as time passed I started hoping, that one day after she completes her college and gets old enough, I will meet her, and without reminding her of us, I will try to develop a friendship with her without our past. See where it goes. See if I fall for her after getting to know her and if she falls for me, and if our friendship turns into something more. I wanted to try it...
If that would have happened then who cares about the dating field, about all the random girls. They would just be a blur of images. Nothing in front of real love, the love that’d be born not from compulsion of being friends, or known strangers which we are. Rather, from knowing each other and a result of sparkling chemistry, if it was present. I wanted to try it.’
I sighed heavily gulping the lump of regret in my throat, ‘Anyway, now everything has whooshed out. She has found someone, as you said. That too not a random relationship, but she claims to be in love. Good for her...Maybe I took a long time to pursue her. Maybe I shouldn’t have waited until she graduated. Maybe then...lots of maybes, nothing solid that I am looking for.’
Now if what I felt from Zidaan’s lack of help was true, then he was crumbling and crushing me, my heart into pieces.
14-Distance made her heart grow fonder.
Aariz
After that day, I stopped talking to Sani completely in college. In fact, if it was not about the topic I was teaching, I barely spoke in the classroom. All the students would look at me scared when I entered the class. They had noticed that their Professor has stopped smiling or having a friendly conversation with them. I remained serious at all times.
What Sani did not know was her words, ‘Why do you care so much?’ kept ringing in my head making me angry and hurt with her more and more.
