Page 35 of Dance With the Devil (Dark-Hunter 3)
"I just want to be warm," he whispered. "Just once let me be warm. Is there no star capable of sharing its fire with me?"
She frowned at his odd question, but then, in dreams bizarre phrases and events were commonplace.
Zarek rolled over again and pushed himself up, then continued through the blizzard.
He led her toward a small, isolated cabin in the middle of the woods. There was only one window, but the light inside was a bright beacon in the cold desolation of the arctic storm.
It looked so inviting.
Astrid heard laughter and conversations coming from inside.
Zarek stumbled toward the solitary side window. Breathing heavily, he splayed his hand against the frosty glass pane as he stared inside like a small, hungry child standing outside a fancy restaurant where he knew he would never be welcomed.
She came up behind him so that she could see inside, too.
The cabin was filled with Dark-Hunters. They were celebrating something while a blazing fire roared in the fireplace. There was food and drink aplenty while they laughed, drank, and spoke to each other like brothers and sisters. A family.
Astrid didn't recognize any of them, except for Acheron. But it was obvious Zarek knew them all.
Clenching his fist, he pushed himself away from the window and headed to the front door of the cabin.
Zarek pounded fiercely on it. "Let me in," he demanded.
A tall blond man opened the door. He wore a black leather motorcycle jacket with red Celtic scrollwork on it and a pair of black leather pants. His dark brown eyes were scornful and held an extremely distasteful look on his handsome face. "No one wants you here, Zarek."
The blond tried to close the door.
Zarek braced one hand against the doorframe and the other against the door so that he could keep the man from shutting him out. "Damn you, Celt. Let me in."
The Celt stepped back as Acheron came forward to block Zarek's way. "What do you want, Z?"
Zarek's face was anguished as he met Acheron's gaze. "I want to come in." He hesitated and when he spoke his next words, his eyes were bright with humiliation and need. "Please, Acheron. Please let me in."
There were no emotions on Acheron's face. Not one.
"You're not welcome here, Z. You'll never be welcome among us."
He closed the door.
Zarek pounded against the wood and cursed. "Damn you, Acheron! Damn all of you!" Then he kicked the door and tried the knob again. "Why won't you just kill me, you bastard! Why?"
This time when Zarek spoke, the anger was gone from his voice. It was hollow and needful, aching, and it affected her even more than when he'd asked to die. "Let me in, Ash, I swear I'll behave. I swear it. Please don't leave me out here alone. I don't want to be cold anymore. Please!"
Tears fell down Astrid's face as she watched Zarek beating against the door, demanding they open it.
No one came.
The laughter continued inside as if he didn't exist
In that moment, Astrid fully understood the desolate isolation he felt. The loneliness and abandonment.
"Fuck all of you!" Zarek roared. "I don't need any of you. I don't need anything."
Finally, Zarek threw his back against the door and then slid down to kneel in the midst of the cold, swirling winds. His hair and eyelashes were white and frozen from the snow, his exposed skin red.
He closed his eyes as if the sound of their merriment was more than he could take. "I don't need anything or anyone," he whispered.
And then everything in the dream changed. The cabin shifted form until it became her temporary house in Alaska.
There were no more Dark-Hunters in his dream. No more storm. It was a perfect, peaceful night.
"Astrid." He breathed her name like a gentle prayer. "I wish I could be with you."
She couldn't move as she heard those softly spoken words.
He'd never said her name before and the sound of it on his lips was like a melodic song.
He looked up at the dark sky where a million stars twinkled through the clouds. " 'I wonder,' " he said quietly, quoting again from The Little Prince, " 'whether the stars are set alight in heaven so that one day each one of us may find his own.'"
Zarek swallowed and folded his muscular arms around his legs as he continued to watch the heavens. "I have found my star. She is beauty and grace. Elegance and goodness. My laughter in winter. She is courageous and strong. Bold and tempting. Unlike any other in all the universe, and I cannot touch her. I dare not even try."
Astrid couldn't breathe as he spoke so poetically. She'd never really thought about the fact that her name meant "star" in Greek.
But Zarek had.
Surely no killer could have such beauty inside him?
"Astrid or Aphrodite," he said softly, "she is my Circe. Only instead of changing a man into an animal she has made the animal human."
Then anger descended on him and he kicked at the snow before him. He laughed bitterly. "I am such a fucking idiot, wanting a star I can't have."
He looked up wistfully. "But then, all stars are beyond human reach and I'm not even human."
Zarek buried his head against his arms and wept.
Astrid couldn't stand it anymore. She wanted out of this dream, but without M'Adoc's help, she couldn't rouse herself from sleep.
All she could do was watch Zarek. Watch his anguish and grief that cut through her like glycerin on glass.
He was so strong in life. An iron forge that could withstand any blow. One who lashed out at other people to keep them away from him.
It was only in his dreams that she saw what was inside him. The vulnerability.
Only here that she truly understood the man he dared not show to anyone.
The tender heart that was hurt by their scorn.
Astrid wanted to ease his suffering. She wanted to take him by the hand and show him a world where he wasn't locked outside. Show him what it was like to reach out to someone and not be knocked away.
Not once in all the centuries she had judged had Astrid felt this way about anyone. Zarek touched a part of her that she didn't even know existed.
Most of all, he touched her heart. A heart she had feared was no longer functioning.
But it beat for him.
She couldn't just stand here, watching him ache in his solitude.
Before she could think better of it, she flashed herself into her empty cabin and opened the door...
Zarek's heart stopped beating as he looked up and saw the face of heaven. No, she wasn't heaven.
She was better. So much better.
Never in this dream had anyone opened the door once he'd been shut out.
But Astrid had.
She stood in the doorway, her face gentle. Her pale blue eyes were no longer blind. They were hot and welcoming. "Come inside, Zarek. Let me warm you."
Before he could stop himself, he stood up and took her outstretched hand. It was something he would never have done in real life. Only in a dream would he have dared to touch her.
Her skin was so warm that it burned him.
She pulled him into her arms and held him close. Zarek shook at the novelty of a hug, at the sensation of her breasts against his chest. Her breath on his frozen skin.
So this is what a hug felt like. Hot. Soothing. Miraculous.
His human contact had been so limited in his lifetime that all he could do was close his eyes and just feel the warmth of her body surrounding his.
The softness of her.
He inhaled her warm, sweet scent and reveled in the newfound emotions that tore through him.
Was this acceptance?
Was this nirvana?
He didn't know for sure. But for once, he didn't want to wake up from this dream.
Suddenly a warm blanket was wrapped around his shoulders. Her arms still held him tight.
Zarek cupped her face in his hand and pressed his cheek to hers. Oh, the feeling of her flesh touching his...
She was so soft.
He'd never imagined anyone being soft like this. So tender and inviting.
The warmth of her cheek on his took the stinging burn of the cold away. It crept through his body until he thawed completely out. Even his heart that had been encased by ice for centuries.
