“It’s just . . . I didn’t feel like sleeping with him tonight.”
Brandy looked up sharply from his mug.
“I usually never say no to a good railing, you know?”
“I thought you wanted to wait longer before . . . Because of your past experiences.”
“And I’ve waited more than a week, Brandy!”
Brandy dropped his gaze to a marshmallow caught on the lip of his mug. “So it would have been time?”
“Except that I was not in the mood. At all. I couldn’t . . . well, it didn’t help that I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
Brandy missed his mouth and hot chocolate spilled over his jacket.
Zach laughed and helped him swat it free until his hands were sticky.
“You couldn’t stop thinking about me.”
“I told you I was worried.”
Brandy took their cups and stood, flushed under the porch light. “Right. Yes, of course.”
Zach toed off his shoes and followed Brandy to the sink where they washed their hands, elbows knocking together. “The point is, Jack was super easy about it. He totally stopped and didn’t complain and that’s . . . that’s new for me.” He glanced at Brandy. “That’s love, right there.”
Brandy shook his hands dry, droplets spraying the inside of the sink. “That’s respect.”
“Then what’s love?”
Brandy grew pensive, like one of those gorgeous Greek statues. “I can’t describe it. It’s a feeling. It grows in the gaps between physical attraction and stimulating conversation and kindness. It has its own consciousness. And when you feel it surround you, you just know.”
Zach wanted to turn the words into lyrics.
He wanted to say that he understood, because he felt it for Jack.
But he couldn’t.
He didn’t feel it for Jack.
Something was there though. Something living and wildly happy.
It just hadn’t realised itself yet.
The following evening, Brandy had to stay at work, and Zach bussed home. He ate dinner with Noah and cozied up with him on the couch to watch telly, and leapt to answer the door when the bell rang.
Jack, as promised, blond hair gleaming in the light that spilled from the cottage.
“Come in then.”
Jack hesitated.
“Actually, I can’t stay. Got a sec?”
Only then did Zach’s gaze hone in on his backpack. Zach hugged his bare arms against the cool night air. “You’re going somewhere?”
“My place. They fixed the leak. I can move back.”
“Move back?”
“I was only staying here with Mum until it was ready.”
“Will you come by again?”
“Of course! I mean, I have some contract work that needs sorting, but when I’m done with that . . .”
Of course he had other things to do. Not everyone could change their living situation to suit his needs. Like Brandy did.
Jack came close and kissed him, and Zach couldn’t shake the empty feeling that it was a kiss he’d tasted a hundred times before goodbye.
But. He was being silly, surely.
Jack winked at him as he slipped into the shadows.
At the roar of a motorbike engine, Zach shivered and pulled out his phone.
Zach: How’s it going?
* * *
Brandy: Still going. I’ll crash in town tonight.
* * *
Zach: Oh. ??
A hot tear left a cold streak down his jaw.
His brother asked, worried, hugged, but Zach just sniffed and clung on to him. When it was time for sleep, he drifted across the cold lawn, used his key to slip inside the dark bach, and curled onto Brandy’s neatly made bed.
Solid under him, soft around his head. So many layers to get lost in.
He splayed his fingers over the smooth gap between the pillows, and rested his eyes.
Vaguely, he felt the bed dip. “Brandy?” he murmured toward the soap-scented shape beside him. “You’re here.”
Zach gathered the familiar shadows close and curled against his chest. “Thank you for coming back.”
Soft, soothing touches at his fevered brow, hair.
Zach hiccupped.
“Did something happen, Zachary?”
Zach sniffed. “He’s moving.”
Brandy stiffened; his breath hitched a notch. “Overseas?
Zach shook his head.
“To the north island?”
“No, across town.”
“Across town?”
“Do you know how many people I’ve dated that have moved ‘across town’ and I’ve never seen again?”
Brandy tucked Zach tighter against him. “Perhaps this is a test? Of true love?”
“Brandy. The things you say.”
A soft chuckle feathered the top of his ear.
Shivers of . . . hope kept his heart beating strong. And Zach found himself humming. If I use it in my dreams, do you exist there too? The melody and the dance of Brandy’s arms stroking his back sweetly lulled him back to sleep. My name. Make it your game. Your candle, your flame.
Sense
~Noah~
It might have been ten minutes, it might have been an hour. Time had lost all meaning—a curious phenomenon that had plagued many days over the last two weeks.
It wasn’t like him to drift so easily into daydreams. But here he was, doing it again, the star of the show—as always—a raven-haired, dimpled mechanic with dazzling depths to his dark eyes.
A ticklish ghost fingered the fairy prion on his shoulder. He could almost feel Wade’s lips against his. When he breathed in, he smelled fresh hotel bedding and the citrus Wade always carried with him.
