Page 61 of Winning Back His Wife
“You’re serious about having this discussion in bed?”
“You sound surprised,” he said. “Did you think I was going to put the moves on you?”
“Yes.” She’d hoped. And dreaded. And, well, she was about as confused as she could be right now.
He guffawed. “O, ye of little faith.”
“I have only past experience to go by.” She inhaled, then exhaled slowly. “That’s why I can’t be with you. I’m no good at relationships.”
Sarah expected him to offer up a counterpoint. He didn’t. The crushing weight of disappointment settled on her chest.
The house creaked. The heater came on, shooting warm air through the vents. Outside the wind blew.
He brushed his fingers through her hair. “Why do you think that?”
She doubted he wanted to stay up all night to hear the long list of reasons. Might as well cut to the chase. “I haven’t told you much about my parents.”
“You said they’ve each been divorced multiple times and they’re no longer part of your life.”
Sarah remembered the last time she saw her mother. It still hurt to think about. “I was an only child, and my parents should have never had me. I think they regretted it. But one thing was clear. They didn’t care about me.”
“What do you mean?”
“They never wanted me around. After the divorce, they shuttled me back and forth.”
He pulled her closer. “That’s no way to treat a child.”
“No, but that’s what they did.” The numb tone of her voice matched the way she felt. Resigned. Indifferent. That was how she wanted to feel about what had happened. “I’ve never seen a successful relationship or experienced one. Only broken ones.”
“You saw two tonight at dinner.”
“A glimpse.” She shivered, and his arms tightened around her. “Being jilted and having my parents walk away has skewed my view.”
“You don’t have to tell me.”
“I want to.” She should have told him long ago. “I wanted you to talk to me, but I wasn’t so eager to do the same myself.”
“We both share the blame. I didn’t ask you a lot of questions,” he admitted. “So your folks...”
“My mom’s fourth husband made a pass at me. It’s something that had happened before with men she was dating, so I always kept myself scarce so I wouldn’t get hurt, but it had never happened with one of my stepfathers.”
Cullen brushed his lips over her hair. “I’m sorry it had to happen at all.”
“I told my mom because I was scared, but my stepfather lied. Claimed I was trying to seduce him. My mom believed him and kicked me out of the house. It was heartbreaking, humiliating, you name it.”
The memory burned through her.
“Shame on your mom. That’s horrible for choosing a man over her own daughter.” He squeezed her. “Did you go live with your dad?”
“Yes, but I bounced around a lot. I was still in high school. I ended up spending a lot of time with Dylan.”
“You were with him a long time.”
She nodded. “He was all I had. When I turned eighteen, my dad remarried again. His new wife, Caylee, was uncomfortable having a stepdaughter who was just four years younger than her. After I graduated high school, I never saw my dad again.”
“Sarah—”
“It’s okay. I ended up with a pair of not-so-great parents, but at least they didn’t beat me.”
“They did in other ways.” His warm breath caressed her neck. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s good they’re out of your life. Neither deserves a daughter like you.”
And she didn’t deserve Cullen. Because he needed someone who knew how to make relationships work. She didn’t.
Tears stung her eyes. Sarah blinked them away.
“But you’re not destined to repeat what your rotten parents did,” he said. “You can have what they’ve never had—good, solid relationships. Ones that last.”
“Maybe I can do better than my parents.” But no way would any relationship last. The result would be the same. She would end up alone and brokenhearted. The way she always had. “But I’ve learned my lesson. I can’t jump back into something...”
“That something is our marriage.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do,” he said. “But here’s the deal. We don’t have to jump back into anything. We did that the first time around. It didn’t work. There’s nothing to stop us from going slower this time.”
A vise tightened around her heart. “I’m not going to be here much longer. We don’t live in the same state.”
