Page 46 of Winning Back His Wife
“He died on Easter.”
Surprise washed over her. Cullen had never told her any details. “On Easter Sunday?”
Cullen nodded. His hand wrapped around hers. Squeezed. “Blaine used to love Easter. He always wanted more decorations and food. There were never enough eggs and candy for him. Because of what happened, my family goes all out on the holiday. Overcompensates.”
She sat back, stunned and angry he hadn’t shared this information with her. Not telling her about breaking his arm as a kid was one thing, but this...
Easter weekend with the Grays had been the tipping point for her to bring up divorce. She’d realized then it was only a matter of time before Cullen checked out of their marriage for good.
“I...” A million thoughts swirled through her mind, but she didn’t know where to begin. “I had no idea.”
Cullen scooted closer. His thigh pressed against hers. Self-preservation urged her to move away from him, but she hated that he was hurting.
His gaze locked on hers. “It’s not just Easter. Putting on over-the-top holidays and birthdays, especially mine, is my family’s way of dealing with grief and the empty place at the table.”
Easter hadn’t been as perfect as she’d imagined—far from it actually. The realization left her off-kilter. With this new information she tried to relate how she’d felt then.
His family sure had put on a good act. She’d never sensed what was going on beneath the surface. She’d been so focused on her own insecurities she hadn’t thought what the holidays would mean to them after losing a son and a brother. But she wasn’t about to give Cullen a free pass over this. “You should have talked to me about this. You realize I don’t even know how Blaine died?”
“My brother was a drug addict.” Cullen’s voice cracked, but his gaze never wavered from hers. “Blaine died of an overdose. I like to think it was accidental, but who knows? I found him unconscious when I went to get him for Easter dinner.”
Horror flooded her. She gripped his hand, ignoring the urge to hold him. “Oh, Cullen. I’m so sorry.”
“Me, too.” Self-recriminations twisted his lips. “I failed Blaine. Interventions. Rehab. Tough love. I tried everything I could and I still couldn’t save him.”
Her heart ached for him, for all the Grays. “Addiction doesn’t work that way.”
“I know, but when it’s your twin brother...”
“It’s a horrible, impossible situation.” Even knowing that, she couldn’t begin to comprehend what Cullen had gone through, both when his brother was alive and afterward. Still, she wondered what else she might have misunderstood about him and his life. “If I’d known...”
It might have made a difference in their marriage. She could have understood why his family acted the way they had. She could have helped Cullen.
“I didn’t want to burden you.” He stroked her hand with his thumb. “I hadn’t thought about how not knowing might affect you. I should have discussed this with you so you would understand.”
“That would have helped. But I’m glad you told me now.” Sarah waited for him to pull his hand away from hers. He didn’t. Until he did, she would hold tight. She didn’t want to break the connection with him. This was the most open Cullen had been with her, and she feared he would shut down or run away from her again. She didn’t want that to happen. “I’m sorry for not asking about Blaine before and not trying to understand your family’s behavior.”
“We both kept secrets from each other.”
Sarah nodded. She hadn’t told him about her ex-fiancé.
Cullen had hidden his pain the same way she’d hidden hers. She’d protected herself and her heart, never trusting he’d stay in the relationship to fully open up to him. No doubt he’d felt the same way about her by not telling her about Blaine. Regrets grew exponentially until she struggled to breathe.
“We’re quite the pair.” Distrusting and afraid to let anyone in. Their marriage had never stood a chance without that kind of openness—the kind of openness that would have allowed him to tell her the truth about his brother and family. The kind of openness that wouldn’t have blinded her to Cullen’s and his family’s grief. “Holding back didn’t help our marriage.”
“No, but it feels good to let it all out finally.”
Seeing him like this reminded her of when they’d first met. He’d had no problem talking to her in Red Rocks. She’d always wondered how he could have been so open there, but not when they returned to Seattle.
