Page 123 of Bend
“What did you do?”
I huffed a sarcastic little laugh. “Chased his ass. He was waiting for me in the parking lot, like he knew I’d come after him. And he wouldn’t let me touch him. Even back at his place. He said touching him was a privilege that was earned. I didn’t understand. I thought he was just being a dick.”
“Many dominants don’t like to be touched. At least not before there’s trust.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t know that. How do you know?”
“I’m treating you. I’ve stayed up late doing a lot of research.”
“‘Research,’ huh? With a box of tissues by the computer, I bet.”
He didn’t answer.
“Sorry,” I said.
“When did he let you touch him?”
“I don’t know. I keep thinking, if I stabbed him, he must have been tied down or something. But how? He’d been tied down in Congo, so he’s not turned on getting tied up. He’s anti-aroused. So maybe I ran up and jabbed him?” I shook my head slowly. “The last thing I remember is a jumble of shit.”
“What kind of shit?”
“Pills and sex. And some rope work. I think I was suspended for part of whatever it was. Which means Deacon was there, and I was the one tied up.”
“No one else ever tied you?” Elliot asked.
“I got tied up plenty, before we were exclusive, but the real rope work, the art, the shibari? That was all Deacon. He wouldn’t let anyone else do it. And that was from the beginning.”
“So in a way, you were exclusive from day one.”
“In a way.” I hadn’t thought of it that way, and I swelled with a childish pride. “Even Martin and Debbie weren’t allowed.”
“Who are they?”
“They live in number two. They’re his top trainees. Debbie’s great. She only ties men. She does beautiful things, and she’s really methodical, even for how young she is. Martin’s talented, but Deacon says he’ll never really get it.” I shrugged. “Even if I was so stoned I’d let them knot me, well, Debbie wouldn’t have disobeyed, and Martin was in New York. So I don’t know.”
Elliot shifted a pen on his desk as if it was a lever he needed to flip, then he shifted in his seat. Why was his every movement so interesting to me? Why did I watch him? It could have been because he had so much power over me, or it could have been because he expressed himself with his motions, as if a shade of what he was about to say existed in his body before it came alive verbally.
“I think we’re going to find out soon,” he said. “Mister Bruce has been found well enough to be interviewed. So if you have anything to tell me, the police, or your lawyer, you should do so.”
He was well enough to be interviewed. He was getting better. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “Thank God.”
“You’re not afraid of what he’s going to say?”
“No.”
“He may implicate you.”
“I’m not worried about it.”
“What are you worried about?” he asked.
“How long have you been working here?”
“That’s not relevant right now. Not as relevant as you changing the subject.”
“My point is, no matter what he says, we have lawyers. Our lawyers have lawyers. If Hitler needed to walk, Hitler would walk. What I’m worried about isn’t the law. Deacon is my law. He’s the only one I have to obey. I’m worried about what I did. How it affected him. Us.”
“You have a very strange sense of entitlement.”
