Page 125 of Cockpit
and goddamn grapes on the hill. That’s not enough to make someone like you stay.”
“Someone like me?”
He groans in frustration. “That isn’t what I mean.”
“It’s what it sounds like.”
“It can sound like whatever you want. It seems in your world I’m staying and I’m leaving don’t really seem to have any significance, so does it really matter?”
“Don’t be a jerk.”
“I’m just telling the truth.”
“So are you saying you want to end this—?”
“Sid—”
“Are you pushing me away because you’re too scared to say you want to make this work?”
“Dammit—”
“You think that I think I’m too good for you and Luke and this town and so it’s easier if—”
“Quit putting words in my mouth, Claire!”
And right there is the dagger to my heart. Right there is the exact reason we could never work.
It’s one thing to accuse me of being like her. It’s another to call me by her name because deep down he just can’t get over her.
I take a step back.
“Sid . . .”
I take another step.
“Sidney.” He reaches for me, regret and fear and heartache playing across his features. “I’m sorry . . . I didn’t mean—it was a slip of the tongue. You were thinking I was referring to her and then . . . FUCK!” He shouts and bangs a fist against the railing. “I didn’t mean it.”
He meant everything by it. My heart already knows it.
“You may not think you do, but you did. You have held me up against her pretentious pedestal since the minute you opened your front door almost six months ago. And you know what? Back then, you probably had every right to accuse me of being like her. I was. But things have changed, Grayson. Being here . . . working for Rissa . . . meeting Luke . . . being with you. That has changed me. It has changed me in ways I never saw coming. So for you to stand there and call me her name, it just proves that you don’t know me at all.”
I stand tall, my shoulders square, and in this moment, I realize everything I just said is true. This place has changed me. The people in this town were a huge part of that. And not only did they change me—how I look at things, how I look at other people—they also made me realize how empty my life was before. How hard it’s going to be to go back to it, step into my old life, and not miss all of this.
“You’re right . . .” He takes a step toward me, and all I can do is shake my head and take a step back. “You’re not the same person who set foot here. And I’m not the same man you met. People change. Minds change. Sometimes it takes longer for a heart to forget what was done to it in the past. I guess it’s taking mine longer than most.”
I love him. It’s plain as day to me as I stand here livid with him for telling me I’m just like Claire while at the same time being man enough to admit it.
“But how long is too long to wait?” I ask him, knowing that if he isn’t over her in eight years’ time, when will he be? “There comes a time when you have to choose whether you’re going to remain rooted to your past and the things she did to you, or to take a step forward with a clean slate. You always have a choice, Grayson. What do you choose?”
Choose me.
“It isn’t like that.”
Choose me.
“It isn’t? You tell me that I made a mistake and you’ve forgiven me, but with that one mistake, you’ve already talked yourself out of believing this could work before we ever had a chance.” There is defiance and accusation and desperation in my tone. He has to see what he’s doing, that he is so scared of possibly getting hurt that he’s shut himself away from so much of the good in life as well.
I love you.
