Page 56 of Control (Everyday Heroes 3.50)
“Ha. Don’t get your feelings hurt, sister, because it’s not like you told me about him either.” She holds her finger up to stop me when I begin to talk. “I’m not finished with my list yet.”
“You and your lists.”
“Where was I? Oh. Right. Who’s teaching you self-defense. Who’s installing an alarm system. Who has you stuttering out a response.” She eyes me. “Should I continue?”
Our eyes meet, hold, and then I lower mine to look at my hands folded and fidgeting on the table. “It’s complicated,” I murmur as Reznor walks past the window, phone to his ear, the tenor of his laugh soft so as to not wake up Taylor but still vibrating to where we’re sitting.
“He fits in seamlessly,” she says. “Even the dogs don’t get worked up over him like they do everyone else.”
I nod and stare at him through the window as the drill sounds off and he reaches above his head to install an infrared monitor.
How was it that two months ago I didn’t even know him? It’s almost as if I can’t remember not having him here or nearby...and that’s scary. He fits in seamlessly.
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
I sputter and then choke on a breath as I rip my eyes from him and look at her wide-eyed and in disbelief. “Will you shut up?” I gasp. “You’re being utterly ridiculous.”
A smile curls up one side of her lips. “You never answered my question. Are you?”
“How can you even ask me that?” I glance to where Reznor was to make sure he’s still there and out of earshot of this asinine conversation. “I’ve known him less than two months.”
Memories of growing up flicker in my mind: a new man would start coming around, a new declaration of love by my mother shortly thereafter, a swift departure by said man within weeks.
That’s not me. I’m not her.
“Two months...meh.” Emerson shrugs. “I know people who have fallen in love in a lot less time.”
“We are not having this conversation right now.”
“Why not? Does it make you uncomfortable?” I hate the cat ate the canary grin and how her words are making my mind spin and question and wonder.
“You need to be quiet. He’s not...I don’t...this is just—”
“All I’m hearing is blah-blah-blah,” she teases, and after all the shit I gave her—pushed on her when she was dating Grant—I know she’s enjoying the hell out of this.
“I’m not in love with him,” I assert in a harsh whisper so she takes me seriously, and so Reznor doesn’t hear me.
“But you’re in a whole lotta like with him.”
“What’s not to like? He’s hotter than hell and good in bed.”
“I think he’s a whole lot more than hot to you. That you neglected to tell me you were hooking up with him speaks for itself.”
“Slow down, turbo. It’s only been a few times.”
“Exactly.” She lifts her eyebrows. “Only a few times when he lives twenty feet away means you guys don’t want to ruin this so you are trying to take it slow. I can respect that.”
“Earth to Emerson? Are you listening to yourself? This is me we’re tal
king about here.” I laugh, but it’s solely to abate the nerves this conversation is giving me. If she sees them, she’ll know her answer, and I’m not even ready to give an answer on this topic yet.
Am I? No. It’s ridiculous. I can’t be in love with him. Especially when the pattern would follow my mother’s...I tell him I love him and he leaves.
No, Des. That’s not what this is.
“For a woman who pushed me to sleep with Grant, why are you shying away from him?”
“I always shy away,” I lie.
