Page 30 of Control (Everyday Heroes 3.50)
“Nah, he wasn’t anywhere in sight that day,” I murmur as my mind takes me back to eve
rything I see when I try to sleep. The hazy smoke in the air. The spray of blood on the wall from where my guys engaged and took the suspect out. The tears welling in Bull’s eyes when he came out of the side bedroom and shook his head because the kids were gone.
“Those poor babies. My God. What animal would—”
“People do all kinds of things under the wide-reaching blanket of love.”
“That’s not love.”
“Not how I see it, it isn’t.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing you can say. It was just a shit situation. A decision I’ll second-guess for a long time. Should I have waited him out or would it have ended up with the same result regardless?”
“So that’s why you’re here?”
“More or less,” I say and take a sip of my slowly cooling coffee. “I needed a change, something to clear my head for a bit.”
“You’re going back then?”
“Eventually. I think.” I chuckle and run a hand through my hair. “Two months ago, if you would’ve asked me if I could see myself sitting in a slow, quiet wine town without going stir-crazy, I would’ve told you that you were the crazy one...but it’s been a good change of pace.”
“Sometimes change is good for the soul.”
Our eyes meet as the dogs play in front of us, and we stare at each other in silence. “That’s why I was up last night,” I say then pause. “You?”
“Seriously?” She laughs, and I can see the change instantly. The stiffening of her spine and playing down of the fear I saw in her eyes when she found me sitting on her porch.
“Yep. Seriously. I’m trained to notice things, Des. How you jump when someone doesn’t announce themselves. The fear and panic you get in your eyes. The self-defense class. It’s written all over—”
“Maybe it’s none of your business.” Oh, there she is. Defiant. Fearless. Stubborn. “I don’t need a hero swooping in to save the day.”
My chuckle is raw and real. “I’m far from a hero, but I’d try to nonetheless.”
“It’s nothing. Leave it be,” she warns.
“Maybe it isn’t. But you wanna tell me what was up last night?”
“You were.” She cracks the joke, but I don’t give her the smile she’s working for. Instead I give her my investigator’s stare and wonder if she knows what she looks like right now. Like a teenager caught in a lie who isn’t sure what to say and knows that no matter what comes out of their mouth, it will land them in hot water in one way or another.
“Desi…”
“I told you, I needed to check on the dogs.”
“And I wasn’t exactly done with you yet,” I murmur and love the sudden catch of her breath that she tries to pretend didn’t happen. Her eyes widen and she licks her lips as she tries to think of what to say. “Yeah, I wasn’t. Not in the least. I had a few other ways to make you tired...but your loss.”
“There are things we didn’t talk about. Things that I don’t—I’m not someone who commits—who—”
“Perfect. I’m all for casual-neighborly sex.” I fight my grin, but lose the battle as I rise from my chair and move to rest my ass on the table so I’m directly in front of her. If she’s going to bullshit me, she’s going to have to look me straight in the eyes when she does it.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?” I fold my arms over my chest.
“I’m not a relationship girl.”
“Good thing I didn’t ask for one, then.”
