Page 61 of Control (Everyday Heroes 3.50)
And his voice...his voice fuels it too.
“Leave me alone, Reznor.” Hurt, pain, heartache—all three spin an eddy of discord through me that I don’t want to feel.
“Des?” More footsteps on the pavement beside me.
I walk right past my car and out of the parking lot—needing space, needing privacy, needing to get away from him as my eyes burn and my chest aches.
Once I clear the corner and we’re out of eyeshot of most of the class, he grabs my arm. Within an instant, I’ve spun around, locked his arm with mine, and have my knee coming up to his groin in a move we’ve practiced many times in class.
“Whoa there,” he says, counteracting me and pinning my arms to protect himself. The laugh he emits only serves to irritate me further. “Well, at least I know I did my job and you can protect yourself.”
Yep. You did your job. That’s all it was.
“It’s not funny,” I say through gritted teeth, as I yank my arms free of his and stride ahead of him.
“I know it’s not.” He jogs beside me, but I refuse to look his way.
“You couldn’t tell me yourself? You had to let me find out from Bear—in front of the whole class—that you were leaving?”
God. As much as I didn’t want more, right now I do, and hell if it doesn’t sting being the one on the other end of the situation I’ve always controlled.
“I was going to tell you, Des.”
“When?”
“After class.”
“Wow. Thanks. I’m surprised you weren’t going to sleep with me so you could guarantee one more quick romp before you told me.”
“That’s not how it is, and you know it.”
“Then how is it?”
This time when he grabs my arm, I don’t fight him. I’m out of breath and hurt, and I stop in the middle of the sidewalk with his hand on my arm and my eyes asking questions my mouth isn’t ready to put a voice to.
“I had a finite amount of time here. We both knew that,” he says. Yeah, but maybe I didn’t want to believe it. “Besides, it’s hard to talk to someone—tell someone something—when they’re already shutting down on you.”
“I was not,” I shout.
“Really? You’re ready to die by that sword, Des, because it seems to me you’ve made it a habit to be busy any time I’ve come around in the past few days. Or maybe you’ve already moved on to the next person, huh?”
“Don’t be an ass.”
“Don’t push me away.”
We stand and stare at each other in the waning light of the sunset, and I’m all out of things to say to him. All I can focus on is this stabbing ache in my heart. It’s the reason I’ve never gotten close to someone before, and it’s much easier to focus on that than how damn handsome he is and the pleading look in his eyes.
“We have a week left. We can make the most of it and—”
“Don’t bother, Reznor,” I say while my heart screams yes, please.
“Don’t be like that. We can—”
“We can what? Have sex a few more times for old times’ sake? Wow. Thanks for thinking of me. That would only result in me…” In me falling for you more than I already have when I know I can’t have you.
“I care about you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Hurt me? At least he’s made things crystal clear. It would have no impact on his heart if he spent more time with me before he left. I would be his Sunnyville booty call.
