Page 84 of Combust (Everyday Heroes 2)
I don’t know. I can’t ask her because she fucking left without waking me to say goodbye.
“I woke up to a note,” I say, the sting still there. “It said she had to head to L.A. for a couple days to work on a few of the songs in the studio.”
“And you buy that?”
The way he stares at me says he knows there is so much more going on, but he doesn’t outright ask it. If it was Grant, he would. But Gray is the peacekeeper and will let me explain if I want to or leave it be if I don’t.
“I knew she had to go and had been waiting to know when it was scheduled. Otherwise she’d risk violating the terms of her contract.” He looks at me like he doesn’t believe me, and I don’t know if I even believe myself. I know it’s what I want to believe.
I know it’s easier to think she left because of work instead of fleeing because she still thinks she was my pity fuck. “Honestly, dude, I’m not sure what I believe when it comes to why she left.”
“Ask yourself this, were you disappointed she was gone or were you breathing a sigh of relief. The answer will tell you all you need to know.”
“You are my shot in the dark.
The flame I can’t put out.
The nightmare I need to walk away from.
The dream I constantly doubt.
But you’re under my skin.
You’ve stolen my heart.
How am I ever going to be able to walk away from this?”
“Nope. Start over,” I interrupt Jett mid-bridge and hold up my hands. “That line still isn’t right.” Frustrated, I shake my head and look to Kai and then Jett.
Groans fill the room.
“It sounded good to me,” Jett says as he picks up his glass of whiskey and takes a sip.
“Good isn’t good enough. I want perfect,” I say, scribbling down a possible fix and tucking my pencil behind my ear. “I need to hear it one more time without the mix. I only want the acoustic track.”
“You sing it,” Jett says. “You always hear it better when you sing.” I look at him and know he’s right but hate the idea of having the audience.
“No.” I shake my head to reject the idea.
“We’ll sing it together then.” Jett lifts his eyebrows as if he’s asking if that will work.
“Fine. Sure. Let’s go.”
Kai sighs. “What the lady wants, the lady gets. For the thousandth time, let’s try it again, folks. Cue the track,” he says and directs the tech in the booth.
I press my hands to my eyes and try to concentrate, but I’m tired. Too little sleep after waking up from a bad dream to find I’d fallen asleep in Grady’s bed while I waited for him to come back in so I could talk to him. Make things right with him? I don’t know what with him.
Then finding the text I’d missed after the chaos of the bar when I’d gotten up to get a drink of water. The one that said there had been a cancellation at the studio and the label had taken the spot for Jett. That I was required to be there.
Add to that too much driving. Too much thinking about Grady.
And that’s why this song isn’t working. Because every time I sing the lyrics, I think of him.
Of the confusion I feel.
Of wanting more with a man when I’m in no place emotionally to want more.
Of wanting more with a man who will never be able to give it to me.
