Page 113 of Combust (Everyday Heroes 2)
“I know she’s typically your temporary bed partner, and I thought since—”
I choke on air. “Christ, Mother.” I turn to face her. “Really? You really want to go there?”
“I’m not going anywhere. Don’t think I’m dumb. I was young once and liked to have a little fun.” She blushes a bit, and as much as I abhor the thought of thinking about my mom having sex, I also love the shit out of her for trying to talk to me and get on my playing field. The woman has a heart of gold despite being determined to expand the Malone clan. “There’s nothing wrong with a little companionship now and again . . . so long as you’re safe. But Mal said she called you last week, and you didn’t return her call. She just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“So what’s the question here? Am I okay? Why am I not sleeping with Mallory? Am I not sleeping with Mal because I’m still stuck on Dylan? What, Mom? Give me a roadmap here so I can figure out what your question is?” I run a hand through my hair and walk over to sit on the porch steps.
“You don’t need to be rude.” She traces the label on her beer before meeting my eyes. “I know you turned Mal down because she was temporary and Dylan was permanent.”
“Can’t be too permanent since she isn’t here.” There’s more bite to my tone than she deserves.
“I hate to see you hurting, Grady.”
“I’m not hurting. I know hurt. This is just . . . this is how it has to be.”
“Says who? Says the gods of guilt you’re living your life by?”
“Says the four firefighters who lost their lives a few weeks back. Says their wives and kids who will never see them again. Says Brody and Shelby. Who am I to make someone go through that?”
“You listen to me, Grady Scott Malone, and you listen good. All that talk is nonsense. This is the job you love. The person you are. Any woman who is good enough for you, who loves you, accepts this possibility when she decides to be with you. I accepted it with your father. Emerson accepted it with Grant. Families accept it every day when their son, brother, father, daughter, sister, mother, goes off to serve our country. So, I love you, but I’m sick of you hiding behind your profession. It’s an honorable profession. One that makes me proud to be your mother. Stop demeaning it by using it as your excuse.”
I stare at my mom, eyes blinking, ears rejecting her harsh rebuke that I more than deserve but still don’t want to hear.
“Dylan isn’t going to wait around for you forever.”
“Who said she’s waiting around at all?”
“Seriously?” she asks wryly with a shake of her head. “You men are blind as damn bats. Take a week, Grady. Men do better with deadlines, so take a week to get your head together and figure out what you want. Whatever you decide to do after that week, do it. Move forward, because you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”
She walks over to me and presses a kiss to the top of my head like she used to do when I was little.
“You don’t drown by falling in the pool, Grady. You drown by not trying to swim out of it,” she says before running her hand up and down my back and walking off.
I hear the clink of her beer bottle as she tosses it into the trashcan.
I hear her engine turn over and the crunch of her tires as she backs down the driveway.
And I sit and stare at the moon above, the same moon looking down upon Dylan somewhere, and wonder how to start swimming when I’ve been treading water for what feels like forever.
“What’s going on?” I ask as Kai walks into the conference room behind Callum and shuts the door. “Where’s Jett?”
There’s a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“We wanted to talk to you about something,” Kai says. “It doesn’t pertain to Jett, so we decided to keep him out of this.”
“Okay.” I draw the word out.
“I want you to listen to something,” Kai continues as Callum sets down his laptop on the center of the conference room table.
A few seconds pass as nerves rattle around inside me, that sense that I’ve done something wrong all too present. Especially since Jett isn’t here.
An
d then without warning, my voice fills the room. I close my eyes to escape it, but I can’t help but be moved by it.
It’s the last song I worked on in the studio. I remember it clear as day. Jett on the couch. Kai and Henry in the booth. The song I wrote about how I felt about Grady.
I feel like I’m not breathing the entire time the song plays. My eyes eventually open and stay locked on my hands as I listen to myself sing about love and loss and hope and want. All the things Grady made me feel. That I still feel.
