Page 68 of Aced (Driven 4)
But this time I need to touch them. Need to know what has scared the fuck out of me more than the normal nightmare.
It doesn’t matter because I’m already spun. Crazed. There’s only one thing I remember and it’s the one I wish I could forget: I’m the one who hurt Ace.
Or rather, I’m the one who will hurt Ace.
Get a fucking grip, Donavan.
Shake it off.
It was just a dream.
Then why does the fear feel more real than anything I’ve ever felt before in my life?
Rylee
“CAN YOU TAKE HIM FOR a second?” I ask Colton. He’s busy on his iPad in the corner of the hospital room. “I want to brush my teeth before everyone gets here.”
Colton’s eyes flicker over to me and then to the bassinet the nurse moved across the room and out of the way beyond my reach. I wince as I try to scoot up a little, and he slowly gets up and approaches the bed. I’m not one for games but I know the longer Colton fears Ace, the harder this transition of having a child will be for him. And while my body aches all over, the dramatic grimace on my face was for good measure.
He reaches out hesitantly and I place Ace in the cradle of his arms. I hear him suck in a breath.
“Thanks. I’ll be just a sec,” I say as I push myself off the bed and slowly make my way to the sink area. I take my time, brushing my hair and teeth, and apply a little makeup while watching father and son out of the corner of my eye.
Colton stands there looking down at Ace, his features softening as he takes in his spitting image and I wonder what’s going through his head. Is the connection stronger than the fear or is he still just trying to come to terms with this life-changing moment?
I glance in the mirror’s reflection to see Colton slowly sit down with Ace cradled in his arms, and I swear to God my heart can’t swell any more with love at the sight of the two of them together. And he’s completely focused on Ace so I’m afforded the moment to watch the two of them together unhindered.
There must be something about the sight that makes my mind recall what I thought I heard him say yesterday. When I was slowly blacking out in one of my final pushes, I thought I heard Colton quietly say the names of his beloved superheroes.
The longer I watch this awkward dance between new father and baby, I know he did. But the question is why?
Moving into the room, I purposefully sit back on the bed without taking Ace from him. And the funny thing is, he’s so absorbed in our son, he doesn’t notice.
“Why did you say the superheroes before he was born?” I ask softly. He may be looking down, but I can see his body tense and know there’s a reason behind it.
Silence stretches and either he didn’t hear me, or he doesn’t want to answer. Regardless, he’s still holding Ace and that’s what matters. I lay my head back and just as I close my eyes he speaks.
“Because I figured if I called to them then, he might never have to call to them himself. And I wanted to welcome our baby into the world with the strength of those who gave me hope—kept me alive—on his side.”
His words, the raw grit in his tone, tell me he still has so many fears I don’t know about yet. When I open my eyes to meet his, I hate the lingering shadow of a past I thought we had put behind us. It hasn’t been there in so very long.
“Colton . . .” His name is a plea, an apology, an endearment simultaneously, and before I can say another thing, there is a knock at the maternity suite’s door and the moment is gone.
“Come in,” I say.
Within seconds the room is a whirlwind of sound, people, balloons, and oohs and aahs as our family and friends descend upon us.
“Let me see my grandbaby,” Colton’s mom, Dorothea, says as she leads the charge into the room, her hands outstretched and smile wide as she reaches out to take Ace from her son.
“You’d think you were royalty or something with all the press outside,” Haddie says above the fray, and even though I can’t see her yet, I can hear her.
I look over and meet Colton’s glance, and give him a nod in acknowledgement. He was right in making the call to keep the boys away from here and out of paparazzi’s lenses’ crosshairs. And God yes, I want to see them all. Look Zander in the eye to really make sure he’s okay like he told me he was on the phone, and thank Shane for staying with him last night. Have them come here to the hospital—a place most of them still associate with where they had to lie to doctors about why they were hurt—and see it’s not always a bad place. So they could meet the newest brother in their family, and see for themselves that I’m perfectly fine.
The last thing I want to happen though is to deliberately put them in the public eye. That should be avoided for Zander at all costs. Besides, Teddy might have turned a blind eye to my visit to The House and interference in Zander’s visitation there yesterday so the board doesn’t know, but I don’t think he’d be able to do the same if pictures of the boys at the hospital were plastered on the Internet.
“Oh my God, he’s adorable,” Dorothea says, pulling me from my thoughts. I glance to Colton and back to where Andy, my mom, and dad gather around her as she holds the newest member of the family. I watch them all for a second, enamored by how my always-regal mother-in-law has been reduced to a bunch of expressions and sounds as she revels in her first moments as a grandmother.
“We figured we’d all bombard you at once so you could get this all over with in one shot,” Quinlan says as she leans forward and gives me a tight hug. And for some reason—probably the hormones running in overdrive right now—I hold on a little longer than necessary and just breathe her in.
