Page 99 of Aced (Driven 4)
Guilt. The one constant I feel is back, swims in my head.
“Your mom. I’m not going to be able to keep her away much longer, Ry. She’s worried.” I am too. I can hear the unspoken words in his voice but don’t have the wherewithal to respond. “I’ve kept her happy with pictures and videos. Telling her you’re sleeping when she calls. She’s going to come up this weekend.”
“No!” It’s the only show of emotion I can give. The need to keep this under wraps from those who would be disappointed in my failure the most.
“I’m going to call Dr. Steele then.” His voice is soft but slams into my ears like the harshest of noises.
“No!” My voice cracks with panic—the word on repeat in my head—as I try to shove away from him. Struggle as he pulls me hard into him to stop my resistance against the idea.
I fight because I can handle this.
No, I can’t.
And because I’m scared. What if I can’t ever find my way back?
Yes, I can.
The darkness is so much more tempting than the fight. Less work. Less struggle. But Ace and Colton are worth fighting for. I’m so sick of the dark. So sick of its loneliness. I do the only thing I can: cling onto Colton, my light.
“I’m holding tight so you can let go, Ryles,” he says into the crown of my head, the heat from his breath warming the cold lingering inside me. “Let go, baby. Deal with what you need to. And just know that Ace and I are here for you when you come back to us. Then we’ll get our little piece of peace.”
He still loves me.
He still wants us.
He’s fighting the fight for me.
Even when I can’t.
“HADDIE MUST HAVE CALLED IN the troops.”
My mother’s laugh is deep and rich through the phone. The concern is there though. I can hear her hiding it.
But it’s okay. I am too.
I glance to the extra bedroom where the door is shut and wonder what is taking them so long.
“You have no idea. She only means well.” Then silence. Fuck. Here we go. “You should have told us, Colton. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’re here to help you.” I can hear the hurt in her voice, get that she thinks I didn’t trust her coming into our private life enough to tell her what was going on. And if my own mother feels this way, I’m going to have to steel myself for how Ry’s mom is going to handle this.
I clear my throat, unsure what to say. “It’s not like that, Mom. It’s complicated.” Tread lightly, Donavan. She’s not intruding; she just wants to be a mom.
Just like Rylee does.
“I know it is.” Her voice is softer. Her hurt feelings back in check. Being a mom again—pushing away her hurt to help me deal with mine. “Has the doctor finished talking to her yet?”
I glance at the door again. “No.”
“I’m sure she’s just reassuring Rylee. Sometimes when you hear things you don’t want to hear and they’re spoken by someone else, you actually listen to them.”
“I miss her, Mom.”
God, I sound like such a pussy. You can’t miss someone who is right in fucking front of you twenty-four/seven.
“Of course you do. You’ve all had a lot of changes over the past few months.”
“Changes?” I snort and then press a kiss to the top of Ace’s head. Use him to calm me. “I feel like we’ve had the shit beat out of us so much in the past month I’m surprised we’re not black and blue.” Sarcasm she doesn’t deserve is thick in my voice.
“You’re only alive if you bruise,” she says softly.
