Page 79 of Aced (Driven 4)
“Breathe, Ry,” he murmurs into my ear, his warm breath on my flushed skin, a grounding sound when all of a sudden I feel like I’m losing it. And when I can focus again, the looks on the faces around me tell me as much. “You’re okay. Just a little panic attack. I’ve got you.”
His words and the feel of his body against mine calm the anxiety seizing me, limb by limb, nerve by nerve to the point it’s hard to focus or catch my breath. My clothes stick to me as I break out in a cold sweat.
“I’ve got you,” he says again, his voice the only thing I can focus on. The one thing I need. I can see the concern on the boys’ faces but my emotions are paralyzed. I can’t feel, can’t bother to care to explain I’m okay, that they shouldn’t worry. I have a momentary ability to focus. The fact I’m not thinking of the boys first means something is off with me. That’s not me at all.
And that realization—that snippet of reality—causes a second wave of anxiety to hit me harder than the first.
“Something’s wrong,” I whisper so softly I don’t even know if Colton hears me.
“Ry’s okay,” I hear Jax say as he steps forward and reassures the boys like I should. But I can’t. Words are locked in my throat. “Just a panic attack.”
“Let’s go upstairs,” Colton murmurs. His body is still behind mine, and just as he turns us, I lock eyes with Shane. I can see the fear in his eyes, his own panic written all over his face, and yet Colton pushes me to walk toward the hallway before I can unlock the apology in my throat.
“I can’t,” I murmur, lost in a daze. “I’m sorry. I don’t know . . .”
“C’mon, baby.” His voice is soothing as he gently lifts me into his arms once we clear the boys’ line of sight. “I’ve got you.” I start to wriggle, unsure, uneasy, un-everything. “I’m not gonna let you fall, Rylee. I’ll never let you fall,” he murmurs against the side of my face.
I sink into him, hear his words and let him take the reins. Knowing he’s right but don’t want to admit I’m having a hard time dealing with everything right now. Each step he takes is like the hammer reinforcing everything that’s been piled onto my buckling back.
“It’s just all too much, too fast,” he murmurs.
Step.
The video release. Invasion of privacy. Exposed. Embarrassed. Violated. Helpless.
Step.
Taking a forced leave of absence from my job. Lost. My purpose gone. Betrayed.
Step.
Zander’s uncle stepping forward. Handcuffed. Inadequate. Taken advantage of.
Step.
Ace’s birth. Emotional overload. Intense joy. Unconditional love.
Step.
Eddie in the hospital room. Fear. Panic. Betrayed.
Step.
First night home as a new mom. Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Changed.
Step.
The reappearance of Colton’s nightmares. Unsettling. Disruptive. A wild card.
Step.
Eddie selling Ace’s picture. Violated. Used. Exploited. Helpless.
Step.
Zander today. Distant. Scared. Reticent.
Step.
