“You sure as hell are,” he says, shaking his head. “Are you fucking positive that you’re not in love with that fucker?” He grits his teeth as he asks the question, but it’s a fair one. Especially after what he just saw.
“I’m positive,” I say, looking up at my husband’s face. “I love Grey, but I’m not in love with him; there’s a difference.” Reba stands silently behind me, listening in on the conversation with a conflicted expression on her face. Second-guessing her decision to become a nun? Or is what I’m saying making it an even easier choice?
“It’s a lot,” Beast agrees finally, working his jaw as he looks down at me, but then he reaches up and cups the side of my face in a huge, warm hand. “But you’re worth it.” He slides his thumb over my lips and then moves around me to head toward the kitchen.
The other three watch me in silence, but nobody argues with that.
“Get some sleep,” Crown tells me finally, pushing up off the wall. “You’ve got work to do tomorrow.”
“I’ll tag along,” Sin suggests, receiving a harsh look from his VP. “What? I can handle office work at the very least.”
“You,” Crown says, pointing at Grainger. “Get your ass back in bed.”
“I’ll go if Gidge goes with,” he offers up, but I’m already shaking my head.
“You can’t be trusted,” I tell him, giving him a look that clearly says I’m thinking of the night before last. He meets my eyes, frowning hard. “Take it easy, so that when the call comes in, we can tackle this together.”
“You think you’re leaving this compound before the war is over? Fat chance. I’m not taking a pregnant woman into the field.”
I stare at Grainger as Sin makes a low, dark laugh and shakes his head, reaching out to slap a hand over his brother’s shoulder.
“Dude, have you met Gidget? You should feel lucky that she even wants to continue with this pregnancy. Don’t push it.” Sin offers me up a wink and moves up the stairs two at a time just to prove that he isn’t an invalid that needs coddling.
Cade, on the other hand …
“You can’t keep me like a doll on a shelf, Cade. If you try that, I will leave.” I look him dead in the face so that he can understand how serious I am about this. “Grey offered me something I never thought I’d get: a chance at being a fair and equal partner. I could’ve been the queen of the mafia with him by my side.”
Grainger clenches his jaw, like he’s about to launch into a frustrated tirade, but I cut him off by stepping forward and putting my arms around his neck.
“I chose to be here: don’t make me regret that.”
“You’re pregnant, Gidge,” he reiterates, as if that should be reason enough for me to sit on my ass and do nothing.
“So what?” I retort, feeling my skin get hot and tight and achy with annoyance. “I’m not going to waddle around with my Magnum at like, eight months along or some shit. But right now? I’m fine, Cade.”
“Fine—until you get shot. Until you get the shit kicked out of you. Until you’re dead,” he hisses, reaching down to push my arms away. He storms off down the hall toward his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
Whether he left to regroup and get his thoughts together or because he’s given up, I’m not sure.
I look back at Crown.
He’s frowning, too, but I think he’s starting to figure this out.
They are not in charge: I am.
I love the four of them so much that when I think too hard about it, it scares the shit out of me. Like I said, I loved like this once before. I loved my sisters more than my own life, and I lost them.
But even though I care for these men, I know that I have to love myself just as much. I know what will and will not make me happy.
Sitting around with the other club wives is not a future that I want; I swore to myself that I would never let myself become my mother, a brute’s bride and nothing more.
“Do you want to argue with me, too?” I ask, but Crown just gives a slow, easy shake of his head.
“You know how I feel about this.” He reaches out to touch the side of my face as I wet my lips. “If I could, I’d keep you locked up in here and safe from the world. But that would only make me happy.” Crown drops his hand and offers up a bit of a smirk. “Besides, if this baby isn’t biologically mine, we’ll be having another one in the future. Which means …” He steps close to me again, but he doesn’t touch me this time. There’s a pain in that, each of us holding back. It creates this tension that I just know will be all the more satisfying later when it snaps, and we give into our wants and needs. “That once we’re ready for that, I’ll get you all to myself. Bareback fucking with me and me alone. However long it takes to get you pregnant, you’ll be in my bed, satisfying your end of the deal.”
