I feel panicked, jittery, both trapped and wildly free at the same time.
Sin takes my hands away from my face and forces them down into my lap.
“If you could go anywhere and do anything right now, what would you choose?” he asks, almost disturbingly calm. I don’t see how he can be. He should be freaking out right now. I almost want him to freak out, so that I don’t have to.
Even though my heart is racing, and that anxious feeling is sweeping over me in a tidal wave, I make myself stop and think. If I could go anywhere, do anything …
“I’d get on a bike—my own bike—and I would take a road trip. No particular destination in mind. I’d just ride until I felt like stopping. And I would stop wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted.”
Sin listens to that for a moment, mulling my words over. The silver hoops that line his right ear are missing; I assume the medical staff removed them at some point?
“Alone?” he clarifies, and I give him a sharp look. “What? It’s a valid question. Who would you take on the ride with you? Just yourself? Reba?” His mouth twitches with distaste and he meets my eyes with his silver ones. “Grey?”
“I … don’t know.” Only I do. I’m just afraid to say it, to put it to words. It’s too much to hope for. I’ve already gotten more than I deserve, with Grainger and Sin living to see another day. How could I possibly ask for more than that?
“Figure out the answer to that question; it’ll help.” Sin pulls me close again for another kiss, but it’s tainted a bit with our matching issues. We both have fears of being abandoned. Of being alone. Even if neither of us will dare admit it.
Beast escorts me back into the waiting area, and my eyes catch Crown’s right away.
His gaze follows me as the two of us approach together. He can’t miss the shine of Beast’s ring on my finger or the heaviness of his jacket on my shoulders. It’s all there, all of the possessive things he dreamed about but can never have.
He wants a baby.
So even if I decide not to continue this pregnancy, children are a part of the future that Crown wants for himself. I’m not sure if I’ve ever even considered having kids. I’m neither for or against it, it seems; it’s just that I never imagined my life taking place years or decades down the line.
More than once, I’ve been sure that this is it, the end of my existential crisis.
I’ve spent so much time wondering if I might die, that I haven’t given much thought to what I might do if I lived.
That’s sad. That’s so fucking, goddamn sad.
“The two of you can’t just keep switching places like this,” I tell Crown, before he gets a chance to open that annoying mouth of is. I might still have a jacked-up face, but at least I’m dressed the way I like, and my makeup is as good as it gets for someone who got clocked in the jaw by her rat-fucking brother. My uniform makes me feel more powerful. “You both have to sleep at some point.”
“I’ll—” Crown starts, and I wave my hand dismissively.
“Sleep when you’re dead. I know, I know. But that doesn’t work for me.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, your majesty,” Crown drawls out, flicking his tongue against the edge of his mouth. “Does my work schedule displease you? Perhaps you’d like to figure out how we’re going to fit three other chapters worth of men onto the compound? Make all of the local families comfortable as they hunker down in the clubhouse? Organize guard rotation for all of our people that are currently staying in the hospital? Take your pick.”
“I’ll do any or all of those things if you’ll just give me the chance,” I snap back at him, shoving my fingers through my hair and exhaling to release some of my anger. “Put me to work.”
Crown doesn’t expect my answer, his eyes narrowing on me before he lifts his gaze up to Beast.
“We need to talk,” he tells him, and I get the sense that this is about me.
“If you need to talk about me, I sure would enjoy being included,” I quip right back, stepping between them.
“Probably best if it were later,” Beast clarifies, his accent thicker than I’ve ever heard it before. He rubs his hand against the blond stubble on his face. “After the wedding night.”
Crown tenses up, but when Beast wraps an arm around my shoulders and escorts me to the door, he doesn’t stop him. I can feel Crown staring after us as we go, my heart pounding in my chest. We head straight for the Escalade, and Beast opens the rear passenger door for me, waiting until I’ve climbed in before shutting it and moving over to the front driver’s side.
