Page 19 of Dirty (Chicago Underground 5)
“I don’t know. So many people.”
“There were plenty of people at headquarters, and you didn’t lose your shit. So tell me why.”
“I don’t know. Those girls, the way you looked at them.”
He seemed genuinely puzzled. “How did I look at them?”
“You know,” I choked out.
“Like I wanted to smack them for being little idiots. Is that what you mean?”
“No, no. Like you wanted them.”
Understanding dawned in his green eyes, and with it, bright shame within me.
“I didn’t want them,” he said gently.
The kind of soothing tone you use with a child. It’s only lightning. It can’t hurt you. But I had seen the lightning and the lustful light in his eyes. I had felt its burn and knew well how it hurt.
“I know you didn’t.” Did I? Oh shit, I was losing it.
“Breathe.”
The low command penetrated my haze, drew me back to the surface. I breathed. When his face came into focus, it was concerned. That part would have been fine. The part that really sickened me was the kindness. Poor Shelly. She can’t help what she does. This was all predetermined years ago. No way to change my course.
“I’m fine,” I said. “Got a little derailed, but I’m fine.”
He looked doubtful. Extremely doubtful, and I worried if I didn’t convince him soon, he would abandon our entire mission.
“Look, I’m okay. See? I’m standing all by myself, breathing without you having to tell me. Very mature-like.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“And I realize I’m jumpy, so as a gesture of good faith, I’ll let you hold on to my gun for me,” I said magnanimously.
“I’ve already got it,” he said, reaching back to where he’d stashed it in his belt. He swore as he came up empty.
I handed it to him. “Sorry. But not really, because you had no right to take it from me in the first place.”
“I had every right. Do I even want to check the registration on this?”
“Only if you want your worst suspicions confirmed.”
“No, thanks.”
“This way is better. I’m giving you permission to hang on to it. Because I trust you.” My emphasis on the last few words could not go unnoticed.
A slow smile spread across his face. “I see.”
The door rattled, then shook violently as someone banged on it. Shouting came from the other side, too muffled to understand through the steel door and the roar of the club.
“Gee,” I said. “Do you think he wants to come in here?”
“Occupied,” Luke called over his shoulder.
I started toward the door. “I think we’re done here.”
“Oh no.” He stopped me. “We need to snort a few lines. Then I’ll probably make you pay me back. On your knees. All that takes a while, so he’s just going to have to wait.”
