“Stop saying that,” he grinds out at me with a roll of his eyes.
“It doesn’t mean good night, does it?” I query, but he’s already turning and walking away, throwing up two middle fingers over his shoulders as he heads to his own class. With a sigh, I take my seat, engrossing myself in my phone to keep from noticing the myriad stares of my classmates.
They’re all very, very careful to keep their feelings about me to themselves when staff members, teachers, or administrators are around it seems.
I’ve not been sitting there for more than five minutes, working on my Parrish research, when a fresh text comes in. Right away, I’m annoyed. I want to see Parrish on video.
Then I actually read the text, and the entire world goes hazy around me.
Good morning, princess. I’ve asked a lot of you this week, but don’t worry, my next request is just for you. You’ve done well this week, learning to voice your wants and needs. It’s important to always maintain initiative and control of oneself and one’s underlings.
It’s also important to give into one’s desires.
Here’s what I’d like to see next from you.
Act on your feelings for Kwang-seon McKenna; get him to act on his. I can see them, as plain as day, even from the great distance that lies between us. But fear not, everything will change on Sunday. I think you’ll be quite pleased.
I just sit there for several minutes, trying to process what I’ve just read.
Everything will change on Sunday? How so? That’s the fourteenth day. Does he mean to kill Parrish? Have we taken too long?
My stomach is in my throat as our first period teacher begins her lecture. But I can’t breathe. I can barely even see straight. The world is swimming around me, and I feel unsteady, even in my seat, like I might topple over.
With my phone resting on my thighs beneath the desk, I surreptitiously read the message over again.
Act on my feelings for Kwang-seon?
How so? I don’t understand. I don’t understand this at all.
I thought I’d had Justin pegged: he’s grooming me to … hurt people. Isn’t he? Isn’t that the reason he had me destroy Tess’ typewriter and ruin the car? Why he asked me to set that fire? To kill the white rabbit?
But … act on my feelings? What the fuck?
I start to text him back, careful to keep my movements hidden from the teacher. Whitehall is a strange school; they encourage us to keep our phones on us at all times. The school even sends out official announcements via text. The teachers, on the other hand, will take your phone and stash it for the remainder of the day if they catch you using it in class.
Since I really, really don’t need that sort of complication in my life right now, I go slow, looking up frequently, and even raising my hand to answer a question that, thanks to Chasm’s tutoring, I actually know off the top of my head. It takes some time, but I carefully word and send over my response.
I might argue that I already have acted on my feelings. My feelings are these: I love Parrish, and I made a commitment to him before you stole him away. Whatever is between me and Chasm is exactly what I want it to be.
The reply comes almost immediately.
That game might’ve sufficed yesterday, but it will not suffice today. You will act on your feelings for Kwang-seon, or I will take the steps necessary to clean up what little is left of your previous conquest.
The words sting; they burn. Even before the Seattle Slayer sends his next message.
If you think I cannot see every little thing you do, think again. If you believe I am stupid enough to be fooled by nonsense, try me. Preserve one boy’s feelings by keeping the other at a distance, and see how it affects his overall health. If you prefer to learn hard lessons, my sweet daughter, then I will teach them to you by whatever means necessary.
You deserve happiness; take it where you can. Be honest with yourself. Anything less will displease me.
I lift my gaze up from the phone, barely registering the lesson that’s taking place right in front of me. The week after next, we have our final exams, but at this point, I couldn’t possibly care any less.
Instead, I end up sitting there like a statue, my body chiseled of stone and just as immovable.
As soon as the bell rings, I’m up and out of my seat, scrambling for the door so quickly that my shiny dress shoes slide on the stone floors. Luckily for me, Chasm’s class isn’t far from mine, and he appears almost immediately.
Once he sees the look on my face, he’s running. His hands grasp my shoulders and he steers me away from the crowd, putting me in a corner next to a row of lockers.
