I lift the dress up and Kimber gasps, putting her hand over her mouth.
“I saw that one online; that’s a seven-thousand-dollar dress.” She sounds envious right now which is ridiculous. I’m sure Paul has purchased her many a gown just like this one. Trust me: I’ve heard stories about Kimber’s closet. Never been allowed to see it since she has yet to let me in her room for even a second, but it’s legendary amongst the boys.
“Looks like you don’t have to go shopping after all. Lucky.” Parrish shrugs his shoulders, trying to make light of a situation that the four of us know is anything but. I don’t get to decide whether I wear this dress or not; I’m wearing it. Period. And Justin knows that.
Tess throws her son a harsh look as Chasm mumbles something in Korean that probably translates to: you are so fucked right now, Little Sister, and I’m sorry.
“Dakota,” Tess repeats, trying to draw my attention away from the dress. I wonder if she’s getting the wrong idea? If she thinks I like having all of my choices taken away and being told what to do. Sure, this time it’s a designer dress but before that, it was fuck this guy, or fuck that guy, or kill this rabbit. Just one more command in a long line of them. “I can’t stop Justin from chaperoning tonight, but I sure as hell can stop this. Let’s go out, just you and me, and we can find a dress that suits you. I won’t comment on it or pass judgment the way I did last time.”
I stare at the off-the shoulder tulle gown with its floral embroidery, its voluminous ball skirt, and all of that careful beading, and I want to scream.
We have Parrish back, but we’ve made zero progress with Justin.
Zero.
We only have Parrish back because he wanted me to find him. Because he was grooming me into a monster shaped after his own likeness. Fuck.
Tess continues talking, which only makes things worse.
“It doesn’t even have be an expensive dress. I only suggest things like that for you because I want you to be able to dress like the other girls, because you’re worth that. You deserve to have nice things.”
Ouch.
Tess just shot an emotional arrow straight through my heart.
“You deserve nice things, Mia.” Justin just said that to me the other day. And he meant it, too. So does Tess. I have two warring parents trying to show me how worth it I am, how I deserve to prosper and bloom, and yet neither of them gets it.
One of them is cold and standoffish while also being clingy and selfish and controlling.
The other murders people and bosses me around while smiling and laughing.
I have never missed my grandparents more than I do in that moment.
“Um, thank you,” I say, bringing the dress in close to my chest and clinging to it like it’s a lifeline. “But this is beautiful. I’d love to wear it to the dance tonight.” Lie. It tastes like ash on my tongue, gritty and awful, the taste of something that once was beautiful but is now nothing but dust.
Tess just stares at me, and even though she tries so damn hard to fight it, I can see it on her face all over again. Disappointment. Disappointment. Disappointment.
“Are you sure about this, Mia?” she asks, and I can’t decide if she’s just upset and that was an emotional slip of the tongue or if she’s taking her anger out on me.
“It’s Dakota,” Maxx corrects, but very gently. Tess ignores him.
“I’m sure,” I say, making myself smile and knowing that I probably look hideous. “I’m absolutely sure.”
Parrish and I exchange a look, but there’s nothing he can do to make Tess like me when I’m acting like a complete crazy person. The real Dakota feels like she’s slipping away like sand through my fingers. Do you know what she’d do in this situation? She’d take this dress and all of the fancy accoutrement that came with it, and she’d donate them to the women’s shelter. Then she’d go out shopping with Tess, buy a black dress with skulls on it, and then suffer through a luncheon with her mom and the stepbrother she’s in love with—all the while, she’d be smiling.
I guess in either scenario, the smile would be fake, but at least in the latter, I’d be making my own choices.
“Okay then,” Tess says woodenly, and then she turns to Parrish, softening slightly. “We need to go, or you’ll be late.”
She turns and heads for the garage as Kimber loses interest and drifts away, leaving me alone with the guys.
“What do you want to do about this?” Chas asks, tapping his fingers on the counter as I lay the dress back in the box.
