I make myself look between the two of them; I can’t hide from this any longer.
“I like you, Maxx,” I admit, wetting my lips. “A lot. As soon as I saw you in the coffee shop, I got that ‘love at first sight’ feeling, that crazy zing that makes your heart pound, that makes you sweat, that makes you hallucinate about all the beautiful things you could do with that person. You almost made me like hiking. I mean, walking for fun? I don’t even know how it’s possible, but you managed it.”
He keeps watching me, letting out a long exhale and shaking out his hands like he isn’t sure where I’m going with this. If I’m completely honest with myself, I’m not entirely sure where I’m going with this either.
“The thing is, I’m in love with Parrish.” I let my gaze drift between him and Chasm. “And Chas and I … we’re getting really close. So what do I do? I like all three of you. A lot. More than I ever could’ve imagined even liking one person.”
“Last night changed a lot of things for me,” X admits, looking up at me with that determined glint in his eyes, the one that I started seeing when Parrish went missing. He came in here with a mission and goddamn it, he was going to complete it. That’s the same way he’s staring now. Like he isn’t willing to give up.
“Yeah, like the whole ‘not being a virgin anymore thing’?” Chasm says, making quotes with his fingers the way X often does. “Sort of a big life shift there.” The boys stare at each other again. “I’m not angry with you; Parrish won’t be angry with you.”
X lets out a small huffing laugh as he shakes his head.
“You don’t know that.”
“I do,” Chasm says firmly, looking back at me. “At least not for last night. I’m not sure what the two of you plan on doing from here on out.”
“We can’t do anything,” I say, and right away, I see X’s muscles get tense. I meet his eyes and I refuse to flinch. “It would be a betrayal to Parrish and to Maxine. I’m not saying we’re done. I just need you to push pause.” I swallow the lump of knotted feelings in my throat, saving them for later. “We find Parrish first. We deal with the Slayer. We talk to Maxine. Then we can work through this.”
“I don’t have much claim on Dakota either, you know,” Chasm adds. “Fortunately for me, I guess, we have no choice but to uh, keep acting on our feelings. But when Parrish gets back, I’m assuming the two of you will get back together?” He looks over at me, and even though he tries to play the slouchy bad boy, I see an emotional chasm—hah, a pun—opening up on Chas’ face. He’s devastated. I feel devastated at the thought. Yet I also feel devastated at forever allowing X to remain an impossibility.
I feel devastated about letting go of Parrish.
I won’t do it.
Once he’s back, he’s mine again—if he’ll have me. If he wants me after all this.
So what do I do? Date three guys? Will they let me do that? Could we try it out until … I mean surely, I’d decide on one eventually, right? That’s how these things work.
Can a person ever really love three people in equal measure?
I know I could never share these boys. Actually, the thought of it makes me feel physically ill.
I rub at my face with both hands.
“Just don’t date anyone else, okay?” I mutter, and I’m not sure if I’m talking to Maxx or Chasm or both of them.
The latter lets out one of his raucous laughs, throwing his head back in dark glee.
“Oh no, Little Sister,” he purrs as he drops his head down, slicing his gaze over me with a single flick of his eyes. “Definitely not.”
“Pretty sure that you’ve carved a space in here,” X says, making, well, an X-shape over his chest with his finger. “No matter what happens between us, I’m going to need a shitload of time to process this.”
I nod. It’s not a perfect solution. I don’t know that we’ve arrived at any solution at all. But at least for now, we’re okay. For now, we just focus on finding our friend.
It’s been fifteen days.
Parrish looks healthy enough now, but how long until Justin’s crazy moods flip and he decides to simply slit his throat? It’s goddamn time to find our friend.
“After school tomorrow, I’ll tell Justin I’m going with the two of you.” I exhale. “He said to ask for what I wanted. So I will. I’ll tell him we’re going out. We’ll hit the cemeteries, the hotel, and the asylum.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Chas agrees, glancing toward the wall of windows and the glittering blue lake just beyond them. “I have to go, Little Sister.”
