I make the call before I can talk myself out of it.
“Little Sister?” he murmurs, voice groggy but quickly sharpening with alarm. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“He wants me to sleep with Maxx,” I whisper, and Chasm goes completely silent on the other end of the line.
“What?” he breathes, anger making the word roll off his tongue like a growl. “What do you mean?”
“Maxx took something from him, and he wants me to take something from Maxx.” I’m almost crying right now. A battle of morality wages inside of me, one that I’ve questioned over and over again since this started. How far will I go? How low will I sink? Is there any price that’s too great to pay to save someone you love?
Even if I hate myself, and everyone I know hates me just the same, Parrish will be alive. He’ll be able to placate Ben when he gets carsick; he’ll be able to play hide-and-seek with Amelia and Henry. He can hug Tess and save her from total emotional collapse. He’ll be here to walk across the stage to graduate high school with Chasm. He’ll be there for Maxx when he gets married to a girl that’s so much better than me. He can talk Kimber down from the edge.
“You’re kidding me?” Chasm whispers, and I hear his bed creak as he moves around. “What did he say exactly. Word for word.” I do him one better by screenshotting the conversation and sending it over.
“Make sure you delete those when you’re done,” I choke out, watching the minutes tick by. I really am running out of time here.
“Fuck. Motherfuck. Bitch. Fuck.” I can hear Chasm start to pace, his footsteps loud even through the phone. He starts muttering in Korean, and I just let him go. Five minutes later, he finally calms down, but he struggles to speak English the way he does when he’s really upset. “I … Why … Fuck.”
Well, not that word. He never forgets that word.
I almost smile.
Doesn’t happen, but the spark is there.
“Sunrise is at five. Chas, I don’t have a lot of time.” I’m practically pleading with him, but that isn’t fair. He can’t do anything to change these circumstances. “What do I do? What if … what if his demands just keep getting worse? I almost thought he was going to ask me to kill Maxx tonight. What if he tells me to sleep with someone I hate next? I … I’d do it for Parrish, but I’m going to lose myself in the process.”
Chasm is completely silent for a moment, and I hear his bed creak as he sits back down on it.
“We have to find him. Soon. This can’t wait anymore. I …” Chasm trails off. “If you don’t want to do this, Little Sister, Parrish would understand. He’d … he’d be okay with it.”
A choking sob escapes me, and I clamp a hand over my mouth as I close my eyes.
Am I worse a monster if I sleep with my sister’s ex than if I let the man I love die?
I’m not.
This is the lesser of two evils.
Oh, Maxine, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.
When my sister finds out about this, will she be able to forgive me? What about Parrish? What if he doesn’t want me when he comes back? I wouldn’t blame him.
“I love him too much to give up now,” I whisper, wondering what might happen if we actually find Parrish. Maybe then, it’d be better if I … if I just gave into Justin. I could agree to go with him, to do whatever he wanted me to do, so long as he left the people I love alone. Tomorrow, I’ll talk to him about that. I don’t have the time to have a long conversation now. That, and I might have more sway face-to-face.
He can let Parrish go, and I’ll move in with him. I’ll beg the judge to give him full custody. I’ll just give him what he wants, so nobody else has to hurt because of me.
“Little Sister,” Chasm starts, and I’m not sure if he’s crying, too, or if his voice is just thick with emotion. “Saranghae … doesn’t mean goodnight. It means …” He trails off, and now we’re both choked up and sniffling. “It means ‘I love you’.”
I squeeze my eyes shut tight.
“Nado saranghae means ‘I love you, too’. So … saranghae. I’m here for you, naekkeo. No matter what. This won’t change anything between us.”
“Thank you,” I whisper back at him, even though I know he’s lying. It’s impossible for this not to change anything between us, and we both know it. “Nado saranghae.”
I hang up before I lose my nerve, taking my phone in hand and pausing as I realize I don’t have a condom. I need to find one, and quick.
