He really is the all-American boy, athletic and gorgeous, kind and charming. I guess he’s also a bit of a dick, but only when he feels that someone he cares about is threatened. It isn’t off-putting in the least to me.
“I take it Mr. Volli pissed you off?” I query as Maxx flops down on my bed, kicking off his shoes and then lying back on the mattress. He closes his eyes and throws an arm across his forehead.
“He mocked us relentlessly. I almost punched him, too. I’m just lucky Chasm was there to chill me out.”
I give a little chuckle at that, scooting closer to him to show off my findings.
Like a clumsy anime character, I actually end up getting caught on my own blankets and falling face forward to land right on top of Maxx’s muscular body. My forehead hits his chin, and he grunts, his arm coming up automatically to grab me.
That muscular limb wraps my waist as I curse and struggle to sit up. Only to find myself locked down by his strength. Trapped, essentially, lying half on top of him. I lift my head up and we stare into each other’s eyes for a moment that seems to stretch into forever.
“What are you doing?” he whispers, his voice rough. There’s a duality to it, half longing, half repulsion. I understand it implicitly. We’re both thinking about Maxine right now. “I can’t do this, Kota,” he ends up choking out. All of a sudden, that pressure on my waist releases and I’m scrambling back against the headboard as he sits up and swipes both hands down his face. “I’m so sorry,” he says for the millionth time that day.
It occurs to me then that he isn’t just apologizing for hitting Justin.
He’s apologizing for … feeling however it is that he feels about me.
Crap.
Chasm was right. Maxx likes me. I like Maxx. I’ve liked Maxx since I met him at the coffee shop.
“I wasn’t …” I start, pausing to swallow my feelings down. I’m full of them now. I couldn’t possibly eat another bite, and yet Justin keeps offering plate after heaping plate. This conundrum however is only partially his fault. Nobody forced Maxx Wright and me to have natural chemistry with one another; it just is. A fact. Something that we can’t do a damn thing about. “I wasn’t trying for anything. You’re … you belong to Maxine.”
He drops his hands back to his lap and glances over at me.
“And you belong to …” He pauses and bites his lower lip. The expression almost makes me smile, since you know, I’ve taken it for myself. But the moment is far too serious and totally weird. I’m not usually like this, I swear. I’ve only ever had like three crushes in my whole life and one of those was when I was eight, so it totally doesn’t count. This thing with Parrish, Chasm, and Maxx is brand-new. “Well, you don’t belong to anyone, really, but … are you dating Parrish or Chasm?”
The question makes me physically ill.
“I never wanted to be a cheater,” I whisper, and Maxx’s green eyes go wide. He lifts up two hands in my direction, palms out.
“I didn’t mean it that way, Kota,” he rushes to explain. “I know that. I know you didn’t have a choice. If I were Parrish, and I had to share my girl with my best friend to have any chance of seeing either of them again, I’d do it. All I meant was: what happens when he comes back?”
Maxx’s question is loaded. Like loaded AF. But it’s a valid one, one that I haven’t allowed myself to obsess over. But I like his confidence, the way he says when Parrish comes back. Not if. Never if.
“I don’t know,” I admit, my heart cracking in half. I can feel it. I’m bleeding on the inside. I put both hands to my chest to stifle the pain. “I’ll be with Parrish if he still wants me.” I turn away, certain that my cheeks and breasts are crimson with an annoyingly telling blush. Why do I have to quite literally wear my heart on my sleeve all the time? It’s annoying. “I think. But I really like Chasm, too.”
Maxx lets out a small chuckle, and I look back at him. He’s still watching me, but there’s no judgement there.
“This is … at least there’s no chance of … us.” He points between us, his expression open. He’s just willing to lay it all out there apparently. Oh, to have such confidence. As he said to me before, I need to carve space for myself. X just takes it whenever he needs it, no apologies, no qualms. Well, except for the ones he keeps giving me today. “I like you, Kota. I really do. You’re smart and funny, empathetic and adorable.” He gives me that brimming smile of his, the one that gleams like gold, that’s crafted of self-assuredness and glittering aplomb. “But because of Maxine, I couldn’t … this could never happen. I’m attracted to you, I won’t lie. And it kills me to see you with Chasm. To hear about you and Parrish.” He tapers off, but he doesn’t look away. He holds my gaze, and he slays me with it. I can barely breathe.
