“I know,” he says, sounding hurt, needy in a way I’ve never heard before. He really does love this family, and I’d never forgive myself if I ever did anything to mess that up. He moves forward to crouch beside Tess, putting his hand on her knee. “I’m sorry, Tess. I really am. The last thing in the world I’d ever want to do is hurt you or anyone else in this family. You know that I love you guys.”
“How could you do that?” Tess demands, getting sniffly as she reaches out and cups the side of Chasm’s face. “Treat my daughter like … Well, like you treat all the other girls you date. She isn’t a conquest, another notch on your belt.”
God, the way Chas’ shoulders tighten up, the way he hangs his head, I want to scream. I want to just cup my hands around my mouth and yell it out for the world to hear: I slept with my stepbrother, and I don’t care because I love him, and I miss him, and he’s dying right now. He’s dying and there are more important things to worry about.
But I don’t. Because it won’t help. I know Chasm would rather endure this than hurt Tess or Parrish or … me. I’m okay with sacrificing myself, but I can’t do that to Tess and Parrish, not now.
“I promise that I don’t think of her like that, Tess,” he says, adopting a cajoling tone that I’ve never heard before, soothing some of her drunken anger away with his voice. “I really like Dakota. She’s smart, and she’s a fast learner. She cares about other people in a way that blows my mind.” He glances back at me, but I can’t decide if he’s just saying those things to appease Tess or if he means them.
I swallow a lump of pain, and squeeze my hands into fists in the wet pleats of my skirt.
Chasm turns back to Tess as she puts her face in her hand and starts to cry.
“I just want my son back,” she sobs, and my heart shatters.
All this time, I’ve been so focused on DNA and blood and legalities and … I didn’t give enough credence to the fact that Tess loved me. That she carried me inside of her, gave birth to me, cared for me for nearly two years, and then lost me through no fault of her own. It isn’t just DNA that convinced her to uproot my life and drag me here: it was love.
Parrish is not Tess’ biological son and yet …
“Oh god, Chasm.” Tess is weeping now, completely and utterly stripped bare. It’s such a contrast to her mood from last night. I didn’t recognize her then, and I most certainly don’t recognize her now.
I don’t know this woman at all, do I?
Paul comes into the room with a bag of takeout in his hand, his eyes widening when he sees the state his wife is in. He drops the bag to the floor and rushes over to her as Chasm stands up and moves aside. Paul sweeps Tess into his arms, and I look away.
This isn’t something we need to see.
Chasm and I leave the room and then pause awkwardly together near the stairs.
Should I invite him up? Is Tess still going to be angry with him in the morning or will she forgive him?
“My dad will lose his shit if I don’t get home soon,” he explains, and I exhale a small sigh of relief. Not because I want him to leave. Quite the opposite, in fact. But at least his admission saves us the uncomfortable conversation.
“I really appreciate everything you’re doing for me,” I tell him earnestly, wishing I could express myself in a more eloquent way. Wishing I could tell him how sad I am that those sunflowers are dying. Or how much the sight of his face outside of Parrish’s bedroom that day haunts me.
Before I can second-guess myself, I throw my arms around him and give him a Banks family signature squeeze. That’s our thing back home, big, strong hugs that envelop the body as well as the soul. I’m pretty sure that Chasm doesn’t get hugged nearly enough.
Or maybe at all.
“God, Little Sister,” he chokes out, putting his hand on my upper back. “You’re going to make me get all teary and whatever.” He rubs my back in slow, comforting circles as we both shiver in our damp clothes and miss our friend so bad that we ache in unison, that we hurt together. It still isn’t fun to be in this much pain, but it’s a hell of a lot more bearable when there’s someone around to share it with.
“Keep being you. It works.” I pull away from him only to find that he’s looking down at me with an expression that I feel like I’ve seen before on someone else. On Parrish. Chasm is staring at me the way Parrish did on that last day, when I kissed him and reluctantly slipped away to my own room.
