“Sort of. Yes. No. I’m not sure.” I stay where I am, my arms wrapped around his neck, my fingers enjoying the thick, lush waves of his hair. It’s short, but luscious, and just long enough to tug. “Also, because I wanted to do this. Because I look at you every day and want to do this.” I exhale heavily. “If I didn’t, he wouldn’t ask me to. He sees everything, Maxx. Everything.”
Tears prick my eyes, and Maxx’s face softens. He reaches up with a calloused thumb and brushes away one of my tears.
“Don’t cry, Kota. We’ll get through this.”
“He sees everything—even the things he doesn’t physically record. He knows everything I’m thinking as I’m thinking it. He knows that I want you. If I didn’t, he wouldn’t ask me to do this. He’s using me against myself. If I didn’t have all of these conflicting thoughts and feelings, he wouldn’t—”
X presses his mouth against mine again. It’s a forceful kiss, a dominating kiss, but it takes away every protest resting against my tongue. This is his will, and I’m just along for the ride. I feel his body hardening against me, and he groans with his lips still working against mine.
After a moment, he pulls back abruptly with a small gasp, like he’s just risen to the surface of a very dark, very deep lake.
“Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I’m going to fucking die before this is all over,” he mumbles, narrowing his eyes and turning his face away from me. Maxx makes himself turn back to me, even though I can feel him trembling against me. “You are not responsible for any of this.”
“If I didn’t have these—”
Maxx cuts me off with another kiss.
“No. You are not responsible for the consequences of other people’s actions.”
“You’re not understanding—” I start, and then he kisses me all over again.
“No. You are not responsible for the consequences of other people’s actions.” He releases me and takes a small step back, bending low and capturing my face between his hands. I can see Chasm hovering at the edges of my vision, and my left hand reaches out automatically. He grabs onto it and squeezes so tightly that it almost hurts. “If I fight off a mugger, and he takes off and kills someone else trying to get their wallet. Is that my fault? If I give my friend money for rent, and they spend it on drugs, and they OD, is that my fault? No. You are doing the best you can with an ugly situation. If this is what Justin wants, then let’s give it to him. I care about you, Kota. So much. More every day. I’m sorry about, Maxine, I really am. And we will make things right with her eventually, but for now, we do what we have to in order to survive.”
He releases me and stands up, smiling softly at the tears on my face.
I dash them away. I don’t mean to keep crying. Actually, I hate it. But I’m just so goddamn frustrated at the situation. We made progress today, but it wasn’t enough. Parrish isn’t back. So where the flying fuck is he?! I’m getting sick of waiting. I need to see him again. I need it.
X glances over at Chasm. The latter is frowning, but his face is tinged only with jealousy; he isn’t angry. He just wants me for himself. I smile at him, and he smiles back. He says something in Korean and then repeats himself.
“We’ve got this, Little Sister. Don’t worry about us right now. If your dickhead dad wants romance, we’ll give him romance.” He steps forward, pulling his hand from mine, and then slides his fingers against the side of my neck. With the other hand, he turns my chin toward him, leaning in and pressing that smart mouth of his right up against mine.
His touch thrills me in a completely different way than X’s does. Than Parrish’s does. It’s like one of them is air, one is water, and the other is food. I need all three to survive; I can’t have just one of those things.
Chas pulls back and then presses another kiss to my forehead.
“Seriously. Worry about Parrish. Worry about Justin. Worry about Tess.” Chasm points between himself and Maxx. “But not us. Not right now. We can deal with this shit later.”
I nod my head and push my hair back. I thought I’d feel shittier after doing this, dirtier. But I don’t. I feel so much better, even as I’m still feeling guilty over Maxine. But Chasm is right: I have to tackle my problems in order of priority.
Meaning, of course, Parrish.
“Thank you both. Again. I can’t say it enough.” I look up, realizing that quite a few people are staring at us. Guess I did just tongue two guys one after the other in the middle of a fancy winery with an even fancier restaurant. My bad. Gamer Girl has a harem. A smile drifts across my lips but only for a second.
