Page 120 of I am Dressed in Sin (Death by Daybreak MC 2)
Life makes zero narrative sense.
Cat loves me, in his own way. He loved me enough to come for me. To risk the lives of his men for me.
As much as I think about it, I don’t … he wouldn’t suggest the mafia take me to save his own life. Would he kill me if he knew that I betrayed him? He would. And that isn’t okay. But that doesn’t mean I can’t take any comfort in knowing that Cat, in some ways, was and is more righteous than Preacher Wesley Keller.
“Do you want to talk about what happened after?” I whisper, and Reba nods.
“After, I kissed Grey. Or rather, he kissed me. He shoved me into the wall, and he kissed me.” She sounds pained, almost horrified. I suppose I would be, too, if I didn’t understand Grey’s motivations. He was claiming Reba for himself, in front of the mafia goons. He was preventing them from touching her. By claiming her as his, he was saving her.
How he managed to survive the aftermath of the wedding, I’m not sure. I wish we were able to talk to one another in private. I still don’t have a phone or access to the Internet. That is not an accidental move on my father’s part.
“He told the men that he wanted me.” She shuts her eyes and covers her face with both hands. That’s when it happens, the very first tears I’ve seen from her. Fem lifts his head up with a whine, but I’m already crawling around him and throwing my arms around my best friend, covering her from behind, holding her close.
If you have strength in yourself, it’s a blessing to be able to gift it to others.
It’s a blessing to stand up and fight.
“When he kissed me, Gidget, I realized something.” She turns her head, so I lift my chin from her hair to meet her gaze. “I liked it,” she breathes, sounding horrified. “Not in that moment, but later, when he kissed me a second time. He did it in front of his father to prove a point, I think, but I’d already gotten to know him by then. I liked it, and I liked it too much.”
She turns around to face me, so I let go of her, sitting back on my calves until we’re face-to-face in the dark.
“I’ve seen what love’s done to you, Gidge, and I can’t put myself through that. I’m not judging you, but it isn’t something that I want.” Her eyes are big and round, but her voice is firm. Firm enough that my first thought—that this is an impulse, a gut reaction to a bad situation—seems faulty. Reba has that rapturous look about her, the one that she gets when she’s talking about God. “I realized while I was with Grey that I didn’t like my daddy’s church. I mean, I knew that, but it was more than that. I’m not sure that I like any church, but what I do know is that I love God.”
I blink back at her, and I recognize the feral gleam in her eye, this wicked rapture for something more, something outside of herself. That’s how I look at those four stupid men.
My four stupid men.
Because I have to have them all.
Because they have to be mine.
“I won’t question your conviction,” I tell her, because I wouldn’t like it if someone questioned mine. Because I believe her. Because sometimes you just know something is true, even if you can’t explain it. And even if it’s true just for now, that doesn’t make it any less powerful, any less important.
“I think I’d like to devote myself to Him permanently.” She takes my hands in hers and squeezes them. “The Catholic church has its fair share of problems, o’ course, but … when I was with Grey, I saw the pageantry of it. And I liked that.” She glances away from me and wets her lower lip. “I think I’d enjoy studying to become a nun.”
I just stare back at her.
As I’ve said before, we are opposites. We are sin and salvation. But on the inside, where it matters most, we’re the same. We feel and understand passion in a way that many don’t.
“If that’s what you want, I’ll support you,” I promise her, giving her hands a squeeze. “Always.”
She smiles at me, sniffling and swiping away the last of her tears.
She isn’t over what happened—she won’t be for a while; I know from experience—but she’s got plenty of heart and spirit left to try.
“Maybe you can be a nun assassin?” I suggest playfully, cocking a brow at her. “You could be Grey’s righthand nun badass and help him take over the mafia.”
Reba gives me one of her looks, and then reaches up to touch the side of my face.
