Page 48 of I am Dressed in Sin (Death by Daybreak MC 2)
I almost choke on the memory; it barely feels like it belongs to me at all.
“Your hand was too swollen to take it off before,” Crown tells me after Cat leaves, the door snicking shut behind him. I’m assuming the VP has orders to escort me back to Gram’s house aka the cemetery. However you prefer to say it. “But I see you’re still wearing it, all these days later.”
I give him such a dark look that he actually raises his brows at me. I shove up from the chair and storm into the hallway, heading straight for the bathroom. Running the water, I slather my hand with soap and start to twist and yank on the ring. It’s got blood crusted around the diamonds, but that’s to be expected. I wonder how much of it is mine?
Crown follows me into the bathroom, leaning against the wall and watching me. He’s so serious. I just wish he’d give me one of his stupid grins and laugh this whole thing off. It’s so heavy; I can barely take it.
And I don’t mean the mafia stuff.
I mean the personal shit.
“Are you in love with the mafia kid?” Crown asks me, his voice as solid as a steel beam. That’s his problem, that he refuses to bend with the wind, trying to weather every storm with a straight spine. Except … except, no matter how angry I am with him, no matter how much he’s lied, or fucked around, he’s the one who took the biggest risk for me.
He lied for me.
But first, he had to tell Sin. And Beast. And Grainger. Each one of them was a risk, a chink in his armor that could’ve ended with him dying at the hands of the club. The very club that he’s the vice president of.
I finally get the ring off, turning and throwing it at Crown. He manages to catch it in midair which just further pisses me off.
Don’t let anger rule you, Gidge. Didn’t you just tell Grainger that you wouldn’t?
My nostrils flare, but I force myself to close my eyes and let out a long, ragged exhale.
“Why would you ask me that?” I clarify, finally opening my eyes to see Crown staring down at the ring like it’s poisonous. I have never in my life seen a man look at an inanimate object with such hatred. Eventually, he tucks it into his pocket and returns his gaze to me.
“You know why I’m asking.”
We can’t talk freely here, but …
“My humanity means everything to me, Crown,” I explain slowly, trying to parse out my own motives. My emotions are a strange, tangled mess. I’m still getting used to being back here after everything that happened. I was in a different world when I was with Grey, the princess to an entirely different throne.
Since I know that Crown will follow, I shoulder past him and into the hallway, heading back downstairs and outside.
He keeps a healthy distance from me until we’re closer to my grandmother’s house, hidden in the shadows of the woods. Then he gets close. Too close.
His hand grabs my upper arm, squeezing just a bit too hard.
“If you’re in love with him, tell me now,” he whispers. “I’ll do my best to get you out of here.”
That … that does me in.
I’ve been fighting for so long. Against Cat. Against the club. Against the world. I’m tired. So damn tired. When I think about my future—regardless of which path I choose—I see heartache and struggle and pain. But when I look at these men, I see something else alongside all of that.
A dam breaks inside of me, one that I’ve been struggling against for years. It unleashes a great flood, one that even Noah’s ark couldn’t withstand. Those cracks ripple through me and some of the fight leaves. Not much, but a little. I give in.
I give in, not because I’m weak, but because I want to be the sort of person who can feel a spectrum of emotions. I don’t want to leave this world with nothing but the brilliant red of rage painted across my soul. I might not be ready for a rainbow just yet, but the deep blue of sadness is something that I know very well. Instead of shoving that down like I always do, I let it out.
It consumes me.
Tears rip through me, salty and hot. I make no sound, clamping my hand over my mouth, but somehow, Crown knows anyway. Then he hugs me the way he did that night, pulls me in close and envelops me in his warmth. Ahh, that’s why I woke up wanting this from him. He gave me the smallest, most tantalizing taste once upon a time, and I want more.
“It wasn’t about Grey,” I whisper finally, still wrapped in his arms. He’s huge, this man, blanketing me from behind, a wall of muscle and steel and warmth. “I didn’t want to kill someone who didn’t deserve it. Cat was … he was trying to take the very last shred of my humanity.”
