Page 42 of Dare to Surrender (NY Dares 1)
“I should have looked more closely because she needed … so much. More time, more affection, more of everything than I had to give. Especially back then.”
I expelled a long breath. “That’s why Decklan called me another stray.”
Gabe inclined his head. “Deck only saw it from the outside. He didn’t see my faults.”
I narrowed my gaze. “What faults? You were keeping an eye on your college-age sister, sustaining your father’s business while learning it at the same time, and taking over nightclubs. I’m assuming she had a wonderful life? A roof over her head? You loved her?”
“I thought I did.”
I let that go. “So what was she missing?”
“Everything? Nothing was enough. No time I managed to get home for dinner, no short vacation… She eventually turned to another man.” He shook his head. “By the time I found out, we’d grown so far apart I couldn’t even blame her. I filed for divorce, but it turned out her knight in shining armor only wanted her as long as she was someone else’s responsibility, and he dumped her soon after.”
I winced, although I wasn’t sure I had much sympathy for a woman who’d put that kind of pressure on Gabe. Especially back then.
“She killed herself. Overdosed on pills.” His head hung low, and I drew myself up, wrapping a comforting arm around him.
“It was only then I realized she was mentally ill. I was too busy to see it.”
I opened my mouth, then closed it again, needing to think how to approach this, to get him to understand and forgive himself. “You were too young, too busy, too … many things, I’m sure. But none of them means it was your fault. She needed help and never got it. It didn’t begin when she married you, of that I’m certain.”
He nodded. “I get that. Her mother admitted as much after the funeral. She thought marrying me would make her happy and take care of her issues.”
I sighed. “It doesn’t work that way. You’re smart and you know this. Besides, look at the family you did raise. Look at Lucy and Decklan; they both got what they needed … thanks to you.”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure I’ll ever see it that way. After that, I closed myself off. Quick relationships, no feeling, no expectation. No one gets hurt. Then I saw you.”
I blinked. Not once had I expected this to turn around back to me.
“You and that asshole at the country club. You had a white wine spritzer in your hand and a light blue dress that hugged your curves. I wanted you then. It was like some unseen force telling me you were it. Not to let you go. And every time I saw you with him … I couldn’t breathe.”
I couldn’t breathe now.
As much as I knew there was instant attraction, to hear him acknowledge he had those same crazy feelings for me that I’d always had for him did something to me. It broke down my defenses, washed away any lingering anger at being manipulated, and put to rest my fear. This man who held himself responsible for everyone’s well-being, everyone who mattered to him anyway, wouldn’t control me or stifle me in any way. Well, in the bedroom, maybe—definitely—but I could handle that.
“Say something.”
An unsure of himself Gabriel Dare was not a sight I appreciated. I ran a hand down his face, cupping his jaw. “You were it for me too. You are.” I suspected he always would be.
He leaned down and kissed me, a brush over one side of my lips before moving to the other, then focusing on the center, sealing his mouth over mine. He kissed me over and over, his tongue sweeping inside and taking possession.
“You’re mine, Iz,” he said between kisses. “No arguments, no worrying about independence, money, working or not. We’ll figure it out.”
I opened my eyes, looking deeply into his dark blue ones. “I want kids one day,” I said bravely. “I want the family I never had.”
And, oh God, we hadn’t used protection. Yes, we’d had the I’m clean conversation but not the can you get pregnant one. What was wrong with me? Thank goodness it wasn’t the right time, but only idiots left things to chance.
My heart thumped in my chest. I didn’t know what I was more nervous about, what I’d just said to him or what we’d done. As I held my breath, I realized the idea of a family wasn’t something I’d compromise on.
“Frankly, I assumed Lucy and Decklan were all I’d have. That and my crazy cousins in Miami. But kids? With you?” His voice cracked with emotion, and I knew then everything would be all right. “Hell yes.”
I jumped into his lap, and his strong arms came around me, holding me tight. “We didn’t use protection,” I reminded him.
“I can’t bear to have anything between us.”
I nodded in agreement. “It’s really not the right time, but I have to get on the pill.”
“Okay.” He pressed a warm kiss to my lips. “But we’re good?” he asked.
