Page 471 of Summer Heat
“You watched me leave?” I ask him, not knowing where this is going, but fearing what he has to say because of his tone and bearing. Because of how the air thickens and threatens to strangle me. As if even it would rather I be dead than for Daniel to destroy me with the history between us.
“I wish it were as easy as that,” he says with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “I watched you board the train with that heavy suitcase, and I got on too. I watched you check in to a motel four cities over. And I requested a room next to yours.”
Every word he says makes my heart feel tighter.
“I watched you for days before finally breaking myself away from you to call Carter and tell him I wasn’t coming back. I’d decided to spend my time doing one thing.” The heat in his eyes intensifies at the memory and his gaze feels like fire against my skin. “Watching you.”
“You stalked me?” I ask him although the words stumble over each other and barely come out as a croak. I can’t deny the fear that begs my body to run, but I’m frozen where I am, waiting for his confession to release me.
“I watched you because I needed to. You blamed yourself and your pain was so raw and genuine. So full of everything that I didn’t have. Of course I hated every bit of who I was because Tyler had to die, while God chose to let me live. I wanted to cry and mourn like you did. A very large part of me wanted you to cry harder as you hugged your pillow to your chest in the dark. Some nights you couldn’t even stand long enough to make it to the bed.”
He cocks his head as he looks me in the eye and asks, “Do you remember how you’d sleep on the floor even when the bed was so close?” His last words come out as a whisper and I can’t answer. I can hardly breathe as tears leak from my eyes.
“I thought about picking you up and putting you in the comfort of your sheets-”
“You came in?” I cut him off and suck in a deep breath. “You broke in to my room?”
“Addison, I couldn’t be away from you.” His admission elicits a very real fear that makes my body tremble as I shy away from him. Scooti
ng farther away on the sofa, but not quite able to run.
“Not until you started getting better,” he adds and then stands up. I cling to the cushion, cowering under him and backing away when he tries to touch me.
The tears fall freely as the extent of my fears from so long ago is realized. I swear I heard things. I heard someone walking in my room in the darkness. I swear I felt eyes on me. “I thought it was him,” I cry out and cover my burning face. I thought Tyler was with me for so long. And it took me years to think that it wasn’t because he wished me harm. I thought he hated me and wanted me to be scared. And then I loathed myself that much more for thinking so poorly of such a good soul.
“I needed to watch you, Addison. I’m sorry.”
I stand up quickly, and I’m close to him. So close I nearly smack the top of my head against his chin as I stand. “I need to get away from you,” I sputter, crossing my arms over my chest and walking around the sofa although I have no idea how I can even breathe, let alone speak and move.
I can barely see where I’m going, but I know where the door is.
Gripping the handle, I swing it open and face him. My legs are weak and I feel like I’m going to throw up. He made me crazy. It was him all along.
“I never did anything to hurt you, Addison, and I didn’t want to.” Daniel speaks calmly, the other side of him starting to emerge. The side that’s okay with Daniel dropping his defenses. The vulnerable side that wants me to understand and isn’t pushing me away. But that’s exactly what I need to do right now. I need to shove him far away.
“I want you to leave,” I tell him and sniffle, swiping under my eyes aggressively, willing the tears to stop. I’m shaking. Physically shaking.
“You need to go,” I tell him because it’s the only truth I know. My mind is a chaotic storm and everything I’d been keeping at bay, all the fear and sorrow are screaming at me until I can’t hear anything. I can’t make out anything. The exception being the man standing right in front of me who’s the cause of my pain.
“Who did you think I was, Addison?” he asks me as if this is my fault.
And maybe part of it is.
“You knew I wasn’t a good man back then, and you know that now.”
“Get out.” They’re the only words I can say.
“It was years ago.”
“I said get out!” I scream at him, but he only gets closer to me until I shove him away. He can’t hold me and make this right.
“You stalked me.” I can barely get the words out. I’m in disbelief and terrified, although I’m not sure which reaction is winning.
“You had hope,” he says back hard as if it justifies everything. “You had happiness. You had everything I wanted. You were everything I wanted. You can hate me for it, but you can’t deny that. It’s the truth.”
“I want you to leave.”
“Please don’t make me leave,” he tells me as if it’s only just now getting through to him. He looks at the open doorway and then back at me. The hall is empty and cold and a draft comes in, making me shudder.
