Page 95 of Hold You Close
Christopher is a good kid, but he’s not good at showing emotion. Watch him, please. Make sure he knows that feelings aren’t bad, it’s how you handle them. Give him a lot of guidance in the girl department too, his father doesn’t exactly know “the moves.” Lord knows you sure have that part down.
Morgan . . . I don’t know what to tell you about her because she’ll let you know exactly what she thinks. To be honest, that girl scares me a little. Be sure she stays away from guys like you. (Not to be mean, but let’s be real, you’re a heartbreaker.) However, she won’t listen—because she’s Morgan, so make sure that you’re there to pick her up off the ground when she has her first heartbreak. I don’t have to tell you that it’s a pretty dramatic thing for a girl.
Ruby, my sweet little precious jewel. She’s so little, and I worry that this letter will come too soon and she’ll never know how much I loved her. I worry losing her parents will shape her in a way we’ll never be able to understand. I think about all the things she will need her mother for and I won’t be there. Please tell her about us. Show her photos, remind her that I wanted her more than anything.
You may wonder why you got them and not Mom and Dad. Well, it’s because I know you. You have the greatest capacity for love. You’re a kind, protective, and giving man, Ian. No matter what you try to tell yourself. There is no one in this world who has a greater opinion of you than me. I’ve been on the receiving end of your big heart. I’ll never forget how you were always the shoulder I cried on when someone hurt me. So, now I want you to do the same for my children.
Finally, I want you to get your head out of your big ass and go to London. Tell her you love her. Tell her you were a stupid idiot who was young and thought you knew what she needed more than she did.
You don’t know what she needs! She does. You love her, Ian. I know this in the depths of my soul, and guess what? She loves you too. She’ll never admit that because you’re a jerk, but she does.
Now that I’ve bestowed all my wisdom, I’m going to dry my eyes and pray you never read this. I love you.
* * *
Love,
The best sister in the entire world. You’re welcome.
* * *
A tear rolls down my face as I smile. My sister was an asshole, but I loved her. And sure enough, my sister dispensed advice I didn’t want to hear.
But instead of making me feel worse, it makes me feel a little better. Sabrina saw something in me. She knew in her heart I was capable of being the person the kids would need. She knew I would love and protect them forever. And maybe if London hadn’t gotten that offer, Sabrina would have been right about us, too.
I toss the letter down and head into my closet. I go to grab a T-shirt only to touch the UNLV shirt that London gave me.
Why? Why is the goddamn universe trying to remind me of her and what we shared? Why can’t I just give her up and not have to feel this fucking pain? I ball the shirt up and throw it across the fucking closet.
I’m doing the right thing. I know this, but I’m fucking dying here.
A car horn honks outside, and suddenly, panic sets in. My heart begins to race and everything becomes clear. London is leaving. She’s going to leave me and I’ll never get her back. There won’t be a second chance or a return home after college. This will be the ending of our story.
I can’t let that be.
I look up at the ceiling. “Okay, I get it! Thank you, Brina!”
As fast as I can, I get dressed, tossing the shirt I threw across the room on and then a pair of sweatpants. I need to get to her and stop her. We have to talk. I practically fly out of the room and barrel to the back door. She can’t leave like this.
The door makes a loud bang as I throw it open, and I hear Morgan and Chris yell after me, but I don’t stop.
I make it across the back lawn and into her driveway only to see a car heading away from her house.
No.
“London!” I yell as I run toward the car. “London! I’m here! Stop the car!”
I see brake lights and stop the sprint, but the car doesn’t stop—it makes a left, and she’s gone.
“Fuck!” I scream and sink to my knees on the pavement. “I fucked it up. I fucked everything up!”
My chest is tight from being out of breath—at least that’s what I’m telling myself. It has nothing to do with the fact that I just lost her or that I don’t know how I’m going to do this without her. How do you live with half a heart? How do you go on when everything you want is gone?
I stare at the corner, hating the car that took her from me, this house, her job, and myself for letting her ever get in that car. She left early, just like I should’ve known she would.
I broke her and now . . . I have to fix us.
In my head, I swear I hear my sister’s voice ask . . . what are you going to do now, Ian?
