Page 90 of Hold You Close
“Don’t go!” she bursts out. “Please don’t leave us!”
My throat closes up and I’m on the verge of breaking down too, but I tell myself to be strong for her. “Oh, honey. I’m not leaving you. I’ll always be in your life.”
“But we need you here,” she wails.
“You’ll have your Uncle Ian here,” I say gently. “Your mom and dad wanted you to live with him.”
“I know, but—but—how can he just let you go? He loves you, I know he does!” She continues to sob on my shoulder as I rub her back and realize that even when your heart is already in a million pieces, it can shatter again.
“Well, it’s hard to say.” I give up fighting against tears, and weep along with her. “Your uncle and I have a lot of history, and our feelings for each other are complicated because of it.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Of course you don’t. You’re not old enough yet.”
“Please, Aunt London.” Morgan sniffs and pulls back from me. “Don’t treat me like a baby. I’m a woman now.”
It almost makes me laugh, but I’m careful to hide my smile. “Okay. Well, once upon a time, when I was about your age, I developed this huge crush on my best friend’s older brother.”
“Uncle Ian?”
I nod. “Yes. Have you ever had a crush on someone?”
“Not really. My best friend Sarah has an older brother, but he’s disgusting.”
I give in to a smile. “Give it time. You might see him differently someday. Anyway, for years I had this crush on Ian, but whenever he looked at me, he just saw his little sister’s friend. And then one day . . .” I close my eyes, and a shiver sweeps over my skin. “He saw more.”
“What happened?”
I open my eyes and look at her. She’s too young to hear the whole truth, but she deserves to know why things between Ian and I were so fraught with tension. “He took me to the senior prom. We spent some time alone together, and we said something to one another that made me believe I could be what he wanted. I was ready to change my entire life for him—I was even going to turn down my scholarship to Northwestern University.”
“But you didn’t?”
“No. Because later that very day, I realized that I hadn’t meant anything to him. He hadn’t meant what he said to me. He wasn’t a bad person,” I said quickly, not wanting her to think ill of the man she had to trust to take care of her, “but to me it was clear that he didn’t feel the way I did. I was heartbroken.”
“So you left?”
“Yes.” Tears spill from my eyes, the wound opening up. “I’m sorry, honey. This is ancient history, and it’s silly to cry over now.”
“I don’t think it’s so ancient. I think you still love him.”
“Even if I do, it doesn’t matter. He told me to take the job in New Jersey. You heard that, right?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean you should! He can’t make you!” A flash of anger cuts through her sadness.
“No, he can’t, but if he doesn’t feel about me the way I feel about him, then I need to go. I know it’s hard for you to understand, but if I stay here, I’ll never get over him. I’ll never be happy.” I wipe tears from beneath my eyes.
She nods sadly before throwing her arms around me. “I love you, Aunt London. I want you to be happy.”
We hold each other, both of us sniffling, and we don’t let go until we here a door close downstairs. Morgan’s nose and eyes are red and I imagine mine are the same. I don’t want Ian to see me like this.
Unbelievably, Morgan seems to understand. “I’ll go down first if you want to use the bathroom.”
“Thank you.” I squeeze her hand. “You’re so like your mom. Oh, there is something you can do for me.”
“What?”
“Take care of my cat for a couple weeks? Until I can bring him out there?”
