Page 50 of Hold You Close
“I don’t know. You said it.”
“Because I think it was. And we can’t do it again.”
“Why not?”
“Ian. We can’t stand each other most of the time. And we’re supposed to be working on getting along for the kids’ sake. Throwing sex into the mix will only complicate things further.”
“You didn’t enjoy it?”
“That’s not the point.” I swing my feet to the floor. Where the hell are my pants?
“Where are you going?”
“Home. The kids shouldn’t find me here.”
Ian sighs and gets out of bed. “Don’t go anywhere yet. I’ll be right out.” He disappears into the bathroom while I hunt around for my clothes, and by the time he comes out, I’m dressed again, sitting on the foot of the bed.
“I’ll sleep on the couch,” he says, apparently unperturbed at being naked in front of me. “I’m just going to grab a shower first.”
I stare at the floor. “I prefer to go home.”
“Why? It’s nearly morning anyway.”
“Exactly. I have to get up for work soon.”
He’s silent for a moment. “Okay. Suit yourself.”
“Do you have a sitter for tomorrow night—tonight—Jesus, I don’t even know what day it is.”
“Told you I could make you forget that.”
I look over at him, careful to keep my eyes on his smug expression and not let them drift lower. “You did. Congratulations.” I stand up. “But what I didn’t forget was who you are and who I am and all the reasons why you and I do not belong together.”
“Jesus, London. It was just sex.”
Just sex. Right.
“Did you not want it?” he asks when I remain silent.
“I wanted it.” I refuse to let him make me a victim.
He shrugs. “So did I. So there you go. Two consenting adults had some sex, and it was a good time. No one died. The end.”
It’s so easy for him to dismiss it that way. I have to remember that next time he comes at me with those hands and that mouth and the big, stupid, magical dick. Because it’s not easy for me, and if I’m not careful, those feelings I’ve worked so hard to keep buried all these years will come rushing to the surface.
“You’re right,” I say. “And now that it’s out of our system, we can move on. See you Saturday. If the kids need anything
before then, let me know.”
I congratulate myself on not eyeballing his junk as I walk by him and head down the hall. See? I can be strong. I can get past this. I can totally be the kind of woman who enjoys sex with a guy she hates because dammit, the chemistry is good. I grab my purse off the kitchen table and let myself out the back door.
Once, I clarify to myself as I hurry across Ian’s yard and into mine. I can enjoy it once. Moving forward, it’s out of the question.
I let myself in the back door of my house, and immediately my cat comes looking for attention, meowing and curling around my legs. Bending down, I give him some love before I head upstairs to my bathroom. It’s only five-thirty, and I normally don’t get up for another hour, but something tells me I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway.
Instead, I get into my shower and stand beneath the spray, picturing Ian doing the same.
Asshole.
