Page 74 of Some Sort of Love (Happy Crazy Love 3)
“I understand.” I sniffed. Took a shuddery breath. “I’ll try to be more patient.”
He kissed my head. “And I’ll think some more about the introduction.”
“Thanks.”
We kissed each other languorously, his arms wrapped around me, and some of the tension and fear and unanswered questions melted away.
But some remained.
• • •
On Thanksgiving, which I spent at my parents’ house with my family and he spent in Charlevoix with his, my sisters wanted to know how things were going. The three of us stood in the kitchen, Natalie making stuffing, Skylar peeling potatoes, and me slicing the ends off green beans. Our mother had gotten the turkey in the oven earlier and had gone up to take a shower, and our dad was watching football in the family room with Miles and Sebastian.
“It’s going fine,” I said, forcing a casual tone. “He’s at his mom’s house today.”
“No plans to meet his son yet?” Natalie asked. Her ultrasound had recently revealed she was having a son, and both she and Miles were over the moon. Skylar was still insisting it could be a girl, and refused to believe she’d been wrong.
“Nothing concrete,” I admitted. “
But I keep telling him I’d like to.”
They exchanged a look.
“What?” I said, looking back and forth between them.
Skylar cleared her throat. “We’re only hoping you don’t get hurt. He seems really into you, and it’s obvious you’re into him, but it feels like he’s asking you to be his side dish.”
My cheeks burned. “That’s not true. You have no idea what it’s like to be him and have to balance being a full-time single parent, work a full-time job, and have a relationship.”
She held up both hands. “You’re right. I don’t.”
“He’s doing the best he can,” I snapped.
“Easy,” said Natalie. “Skylar didn’t mean to attack Levi. We think he’s great. We only mentioned being worried because we can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone you love where you only see that person once a week.”
“It’s hard,” I admitted. “I don’t love that part of it.” And I knew I shouldn’t jump down their throats for seeing the same things I did and asking the same questions. But I couldn’t help but defend him.
“As long as you two are communicating, that’s the main thing,” Skylar said. “Fuck what we say or anyone else. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”
Her apology was what brought a few tears. “It’s OK. The truth is, I want more than he’s giving me too, but I feel like I can’t ask for it.”
“Why not?” Natalie was indignant.
“Because I’m scared he’ll leave.” The tears spilled over. “We made this agreement when we first got together two months ago or whatever, that we’d go slow and be cautious. I said I understood not being his first priority, and he warned me he could never give me all of himself. I still get that.”
“But what?” Skylar rubbed my arm. “I feel like there’s a but coming.”
“That sounded dirty,” Natalie whispered.
I laughed ruefully, grabbing a tissue from a box on the counter. “The but is that I want more. I’m OK not having all, but I want more than he’s giving.”
“Do you think he’s capable of giving more?” Skylar asked.
“Yes,” I said firmly, swiping at my nose. “But he’s stubborn. And convinced he has to balance things this certain way, with me on one side and his son on the other. He feels safer that way, I guess.”
“I don’t get it,” Skylar said. “Safer how?”
I hesitated. I didn’t want to betray Levi’s confidence by revealing the things he’d told me, but I also needed some advice. “I think he’s afraid. The night he first told me he loved me, he admitted that he was scared he couldn’t love us both enough. As if he only had so much love to give, and by giving some to me, it meant less for his son. Maybe he’s thinking if he really lets me in, he’s a bad father.”
