Page 75 of Some Sort of Crazy (Happy Crazy Love 2)
“Yes, I’m sure,” she snapped. “I wouldn’t have called you otherwise.”
I closed my eyes. A sweat broke out on the back of my neck. “Natalie, don’t be mad. I’m just…I need a minute to take this in.”
Actually I needed more than a minute. I needed the world to stop turning right now. I needed a pause button—no, I needed a stop, rewind, and do-over button. Why the fuck had we had unprotected sex? I never had unprotected sex!
“Didn’t we… I mean, aren’t you on the pill?”
“Yes, I’m on the pill. What do you think, I lied to you about that? I don’t know what happened, OK? I thought I followed the directions just like always, but it didn’t work. Your super sperm broke through the barrier.”
Absurdly, I felt proud of my super sperm for exactly two seconds before reality sank in again. And fuck, I kept saying the wrong things. “Sorry…I’m just…” I sat forward and tipped my head into one hand. “I don’t know what to say, Nat. What are you going to do?” God, now I’d just made it sound like it was her problem. I didn’t mean that, I just—fuck, this was hard! I needed a script!
“I don’t know.” Her tone was cold.
“What do you want me to do? Tell me and I’ll do it.”
Silence.
“Nothing, Miles. I don’t want you to do anything. The whole thing was a mistake. We were a mistake.”
“But—”
“Look, neither of us planned this, Miles. This is the worst possible timing for a pregnancy and the worst possible combination of factors. We’re young. We’re not married—we’re not even a couple—you don’t want kids, you’re moving across the country, I own a business, and I will have to answer everyone’s questions for the next nine months if I go through with this pregnancy, not to mention the next eighteen years.”
Oh my God. Nine months. Eighteen years.
The world was spinning too fast. Days and nights were flying by. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. “Jesus. I can’t handle this.”
“You think I don’t know that?”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means, I know exactly how you’re feeling right now. You’re hoping I’ll just get rid of it so it won’t be your problem and you can go on with your life.”
I jumped off the couch, enraged. “Natalie, I never said that!”
“You didn’t have to!” she yelled. “I know how you feel about kids, Miles. They get in the way of everything. They’re expensive and they disrupt your sleep and your drinking habits and your sex life!”
Fuck, I had said that, hadn’t I? Fuck! “Well, how was I supposed to know this would happen?”
“You weren’t. Forget it, it doesn’t matter anyway.”
Oh God, now she hated me. “Natalie, wait. I’m sorry—”
“I’m sorry too, Miles. I’ll let you know what I decide, but don’t worry. I won’t ask you for anything. You can go ahead and move to California.”
“Don’t say that. Please.” I love you. I’m just terrified right now. Give me time to think.
“Goodbye.” She ended the call and I stood there, frozen, the phone still at my ear. I was sweating buckets, but started to shiver.
“Fuck!” I threw my phone on the couch and fisted my hands in my hair.
Natalie was pregnant. Pregnant! With a baby! An actual baby!
I fell back onto the couch and lay there with my hands over my face.
“Fuuuuuuuuck,” I groaned. This was so far beyond my adult zone I couldn’t even form a sentence. A relationship was one thing, but a child… I was the least qualified person I knew to be a dad. My own hadn’t been around that much. I had no uncles I was close to. The truth was Mr. Nixon was probably the best example of a good father I’d seen in my life. And he’d always been so nice to me—what would he say when he learned I’d gotten his daughter pregnant?
Oh God, I was such an asshole.
