Page 87 of Some Sort of Happy (Happy Crazy Love 1)
I sat with my head in my hands, and a few minutes later she came back with two steaming white styrofoam cups and set them on the table. God, could I drink out of a hospital styrofoam cup? My skin crawled. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” She sat across from me. “Now spill. What happened?”
I shrugged and stared at my coffee. Where did I even begin?
She was quiet a minute, and I could feel her eyes on me. “I hope you don’t think she betrayed a confidence, but Skylar has mentioned your OCD to me.”
“I figured. I know you’re close.”
She picked up her coffee and blew across its surface. “Does this have anything to do with that?”
I sighed, feeling completely defeated. “Yes.”
More silence. “Do you have a therapist?”
“Yes. But I haven’t been honest with him about my relationship with Skylar. And I’ve been avoiding him for a month.”
“Why?”
I exhaled heavily. “Because when she told me she loved me, I relapsed, and I was too scared to admit it.”
She tilted her head. “Scared of what? Don’t you love her?”
I met her eyes. “Of course I love her. Look, I can’t even begin to explain the fucked up circuitry in my brain, but suffice it to say, I thought I was protecting her by saying nothing. By doing the things I did.” Solid thinking there, asshole.
Nodding slowly, she sipped her coffee. “What about now? Can you talk to him now?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know if he can help me.” I swallowed hard against the bitter bile rising in my throat, so sick and tired of that voice in my head I wanted to scream. Why wouldn’t it just leave me the fuck alone? “I don’t know if anyone can help me.”
“I’m sorry.” She leaned forward, elbows on the table. “Because Skylar is crazy in love with you, you know. Every other word out of her mouth is your name. And I don’t think she’s going to let you go.”
“I love her too. But she already left me, and she was right to do it.”
“Says who?”
The voice in my head. “Me.”
“You’re right. That is fucked up.” She sounded so much like Skylar, I looked up sharply. “Sorry if that’s harsh, but I agree with you. I’m the first person to say I think Sky’s a great catch, but she’s a handful too. Ever tried to share a bathroom with her? Good grief, she’s a slob. Makeup and hair shit everywhere. And her shoe collection—good grief! Those boxes! Good luck to any man who needs any closet space at all in her house.”
My lips tipped up a little. “Yeah. She does have a lot of shoes.”
“She’s a cover hog too. Ever notice that?”
I had, but it didn’t bother me. I’d subject myself to subzero temperatures before letting her be cold at night.
“And she’s pretty and all but have you ever seen her funny little ears? They stick way out from her head like a monkey’s.”
I found myself smiling at a memory—Skylar surfacing after jumping into the lake the first time we went swimming together, hands over her ears. I thought they were adorable, of course, but she hated them. “Yeah. But I actually like them.”
“What about the way she’s so obsessed with wine now? I never thought I’d get bored with wine, but Jesus, if I have to listen to her talk about vines and terroir and fruit on the palate any more, I’m going to strangle her.”
I straightened up, feeling the need to defend her. “She’s dedicated to her new job. I love that about her.”
“Well then, I’d suggest you try harder to get over feeling like you don’t deserve her, because believe me, all she wants is you, and any man that can put up with her bathroom mess and her closet hogging and cover stealing and fruit-on-the-palating and the Nixon ears…” She shrugged. “Seems like you guys should make this work.”
Miserable, I slumped back in my chair again and regarded Natalie. “Her faults are so small compared to mine. Mine drive us both crazy and they probably would for the rest of our lives.”
She tilted her head from side to side. “Maybe. Guess you won’t know until you try it. But nobody’s perfect, Sebastian. Give yourself a break.”
