Page 85 of Floored (Frenched 3)
No matter how busy I stayed, no matter where I was or who I was with, a memory of Charlie would surface and I’d be unable to move, speak, breathe.
His calm, hushed voice telling me not to come.
My hair dangling, the ends brushing his chest.
A pink ribbon binding my wrists.
Blue eyes turned copper by the fire.
The pulse of his orgasm inside me.
There were sweet memories too—watching him hang my kitchen shades, skating at Campus Martius, eating pizza and ice cream on the couch, holding hands at the ballet, kissing at Cliff Bell’s. I even missed the way he made fun of my clean floors and organized cupboards.
And the more time that went by, the less I worried about his daughter—the real threat, I realized, wasn’t a seven-year-old girl or even a vindictive ex-wife.
It was fear.
Fear of being in a situation I couldn’t control, a mess I could not clean up, a relationship that wasn’t neat and tidy and safe. But maybe if I wanted to be happy, I had to let go of safe.
Ten days later, I was nearly ready to call him back and tell him I wanted to try.
#
Coco and I sat on the floor at Mia and Lucas’s house the following Friday night, watching Mia put paint samples on the wall of the room that would be the nursery. She wasn’t due until July, and she had no idea if the baby would be a boy or a girl, but she wanted the room painted a soft gray either way. While she worked, I rambled on about Charlie, fretting about my decision to call him back.
“I’m just so terrified.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I feel like this is a critical moment, you know? Like I’m at this serious juncture of my life and one wrong move could just blow the whole thing.”
Coco laughed sympathetically, stretching her long legs out in front of her and crossing her ankles. “I totally get that. This is a big deal.”
“But you don’t want to let fear dictate your decisions, Erin.” Mia stepped back from the wall and eyed the color critically. “I’m not saying you should date a single dad if you don’t want to, but I do think you’ll be sorry if fear is the big reason you let him go.”
“I know,” I said miserably. “I would be. But what about his daughter? What if she hates me?”
“Are you kidding?” Mia glanced at me over her shoulder. “You’re a dance teacher! Seven-year-old girls are your thing!”
“That’s true.” I tilted my head. “Unless she’s a total tomboy.”
“She’ll love you no matter what,” Mia assured me, putting more paint on the wall. “And I have no doubt you’ve got it in you to love that child. You’re so good with kids, better than any of us.”
“If it helps, I was terrified to give Nick another chance too,” offered Coco. “The way he’d broken my heart before hung over my head like this huge black cloud. I remember how I called Mia in a total panic about it. And that was before the pregnancy scare!”
“Speaking of being pregnant.” Mia turned and pointed her paint brush at me. “You think I’m not terrified of becoming a mother? I totally am! What if I suck at it? What if I hate it? What if I get postpartum depression and instead of being thrilled, I’m miserable? Then there’s the actual having the baby.” She dropped the paintbrush onto a piece of plastic wrap. “I’ve done some research. Did you know that some women poop on the table during delivery? Poop!” she yelled, throwing her hands up. “On the table!”
Coco burst out laughing, and even I had to smile. “No,” I admitted. “I didn’t know that.”
“Well, it’s true. And if you think I don’t freak out every single day, multiple times a day, wondering if Lucas is going to see me poop on that table, grunting and pushing and making horrible faces, I assure you—you’re wrong.”
“See, Erin? Maybe you should be glad that Charlie already has a seven-year-old.” Coco grinned at me. “Someone else did all the grunt work.”
Mia looked down her nose at Coco, eyelids half-closed. “That is not funny.”
“Are you really scared of all that?” I asked Mia thoughtfully. Having a baby had always been her dream, and it surprised me that she had anxiety about it now, especially since Lucas was so excited.
“Hell. Yes.” Mia dropped down to the carpet between us. “But I want it. I want it bad enough to overcome all that fear.” She looked sideways at me. “What about you? Do you want Charlie?”
I sighed. “I do. I miss him so much I can’t breathe. I’m miserable without him.” I flopped back onto the carpet and flung an arm over my eyes. “I love him. Plus the sex, you guys. It’s the best thing ever. I can’t describe it.”
Mia patted my leg. “Then I think you should give it a shot, Erin. This is the most passionate I’ve ever seen you get about a guy, in a good way or bad. That tells me something.”
