Page 71 of Forked (Frenched 2)
I shook my head. “No. I’ll take care of it.”
He pressed his lips together, and I could tell he wasn’t saying something he was thinking.
“What?” I pressed.
“It doesn’t seem like you should be alone when you take it.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“No, I know, it’s not that. I mean it doesn’t seem fair. For you to be alone.”
I studied his profile carefully. His jaw was set at a stubborn angle. “Fair to whom, Nick?”
“To me.”
“You!” My arms flew open. “How is it unfair to you that I want to take this pregnancy test alone? You’re not my boyfriend.”
“Maybe not, but I’m still the potential father. I want the answer just as badly as you do.” He risked a sideways glance at me. “And I want the truth.”
“What!” I exploded. “You think I’d lie to you about this? You’re the liar in this car, Nick. I think we’ve established that this weekend. Thanks for the reminder.” I turned away from him in a huff, crossing my legs toward the passenger door and staring out my window. Unfuckingbelievable. Just when he starts to get under my skin again, he has to be an asshole.
“Don’t get mad, Coco. I’m trying to be honest here. You know what? Women say they want men to talk about their feelings and be honest, but they don’t really mean it.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t need to hear your feelings when you’re insinuating that I’d lie about something like a baby.”
“Wouldn’t you? Even though you don’t want it?”
“No, I wouldn’t! But you’re damn right I don’t want it.”
Nick exhaled like he was struggling to keep his temper. “You’re trying to hurt me. I get it.”
“Good.” I felt a small victory in getting to him.
A covert glance over my shoulder revealed white knuckles on the steering wheel.
“How many times am I going to have to apologize for the past, Coco?” His tone was aggrieved, as if he were the victim of injustice here. “I’m sorry. I never should have done any of the wrong things I did. But it was seven fucking years ago. Can’t we move on?”
“I’m not looking for another apology because you hurt me in the past, Nick. I’m looking for one for what you said to me just now.”
He was quiet after that, and I kept my eyes on the raindrops splattering down the window. All the way down I-75 we sat in icy silence, both of us hurt and angry, neither of us willing to apologize again.
This is why, I told myself. This is why it will never work. You’re always going to throw the past in his face, and he’s always going to play the martyr, make you feel like a bitch for holding a grudge.
I didn’t see any way out. And the only thing that could make this worse was a plus sign on that test.
#
By the time we pulled into the parking garage next to Nick’s apartment building, my ire had mellowed. His must have too, because when he asked what floor I’d parked on, his voice was much softer than it had been the last time he’d spoken.
“Fourth floor.” I directed him to where my Volkswagon was parked, and after pulling up behind it, he turned off the engine and put his hand on my leg.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that…about the test. You can take it alone if you want. Just let me know what it says.” He opened the driver’s side door, but I stopped him.
“Wait. I’m sorry too. I know this affects you almost as much as it affects me, and I know you have strong feelings about family.”
“And about you.” He met my eyes. “I love you. And I want you. But I don’t want to live this way— being called a liar and an asshole for the rest of my life because of something stupid I did when I was twenty- two. I don’t want every argument we ever have to circle back to it. I’m not that guy anymore, Coco. I’m not perfect, but given the chance, I know I could make you happy. Tell me what to do to get that chance.”
“I wish I could, Nick. The truth is, I just don’t know.” I felt like crying again but managed to gulp it back. He nodded sadly and got out of the car.
