Page 73 of Frenched (Frenched 1)
“So I thought maybe we’d sit by the pool? It’s not too noisy over there.” Lucas held the door for me and took my elbow as we walked toward the pool. On the patio, he chose a double chaise with a view of the party, where the Gilles and Lisette’s friends still lingered over dessert and drinks. Music played over the outdoor speakers, “Dark Paradise” by Lana Del Rey, a song I’d liked in the past but now seemed a bad omen.
I settled back and crossed my legs at the ankle, holding my wine glass on my belly. Lucas sat at my side and stared at my legs for a minute without saying anything.
Oh God. Oh, fuck. It was too much. I scared him and this is where he realizes I’m a lunatic on the rebound and drops me like a hot croissant.
I took a deep breath and pasted on a smile. “So here’s where I tell you to pay no attention to anything I say after sex like that.”
He looked at me with furrowed brows. “Why not?”
“Because I open my mouth and bat-shit crazy things fly out.” I swooped a hand through the air. “It’s totally embarrassing.”
He shook his head. “You shouldn’t be embarrassed about what you said.”
“Well, it’s a little late for that, but anyway, I don’t want you to think anything of it, OK? I was just, um, happy.” Holy crap, could I make this any more awkward?
“Mia, come on.” He hooked a hand under one calf and squeezed. “These last few days with you have my head spinning too…I don’t know what to make of it. This has never happened to me before.”
“Me either.” I took a drink of wine. “But then again, I’ve never been on the rebound before.”
Lucas frowned. “What do you mean by that?”
“Well, you know…we’re both just coming off bad breakups. I mean, I was supposed to get married last week, and you recently broke up with someone you dated for three years. I think we were both due for a fun little fling.” Gulp. Gulp.
“This isn’t a rebound thing, Mia. At least not for me.” He looked so hurt I nearly dropped the charade.
“OK, maybe not rebound exactly, but whatever it is, I know it’s just for fun. I mean, it’s not real.” I went to lift my wine to my lips again, but he grabbed the glass, set it on the ground next to his, and took my hands.
“I feel something real for you, Mia.”
I winced. “Please don’t say that just because I tripped and ‘I love you’ fell out. You don’t have to.”
“I’m not just saying that. Look, I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t be taking advantage of you, that you’re vulnerable and not in any state to make good decisions. But…I can’t stop the way I feel. I want to be with you.” He was serious. I could see it. Hear it. Feel it.
I sighed, dropping the pretense. “Lucas, you’re not taking advantage of me. I’ve known what I was doing every step of the way.” I swallowed, finding my throat tight. “And I know it has to end when I leave, so it’s hard.”
“Why does it have to end when you leave?” Lucas squeezed my hands. “I live in New York. Detroit’s not that far. Are you saying you never want to see me again?”
“Of course I want to see you again. But what good would it do?”
He shook his head. “You lost me.”
“We want different things, Lucas. I know you’ll think I’m crazy to think so far ahead, but I want to get married someday. I want a family. I want a home, in one place, wherever that place may be. You don’t want those things.”
“But you’re talking about a ‘someday’ in the far future. You don’t even know when that will be.”
I shook my head. “It’s not that far in the future to me. I’ll be twenty-eight this year, Lucas. I’d like to start a family by the time I’m thirty. That’s in two years.”
“Why are you putting deadlines on your life that way?” Anger and frustration colored his words. “Why can’t you just enjoy life as it comes?”
“It’s not a deadline, Lucas, it’s a dream. And it’s my life, OK? Just because you don’t want those things doesn’t make it wrong for me to want them.”
“I never said it was wrong to want them, I just—” Lucas let go of one hand and rubbed the back of his neck. “God, I don’t understand why you have to obsess over the future like that. You don’t know what that will be—no one does. Life could end tomorrow. We can enjoy what we have now without having to take out a mortgage or name our kids or buy a dog.”
I knew what he meant, but I couldn’t live that way. “I understand what you’re saying. But for me, what we have now needs space to grow into something else, something bigger.” I put a hand to my chest. “I know it’s hard for you to understand, but making that kind of commitment to someone is important to me. It doesn’t have to be today or tomorrow, but it has to be possible.”
Lucas sighed and shut his eyes briefly. “I just want to spend more time with you, Mia. I’ve never felt this knocked out by anyone.”
“Really?” I took a time-out from Strong and let Flattered have a moment.
