Page 98 of From This Moment (After We Fall 4)
She had such a big heart, and it had been broken so badly. I didn’t want to see it broken again.
Eighteen
HANNAH
My stomach was in knots.
It had been that way ever since Wes’s phone call, but now my head was pounding too. And this fucking rain—I felt like I was drowning in it, drowning in everything.
I knew it. I knew this was too good to be true. How could we have been so careless? How could we have thought that everything would just go our way because we wanted it to? How had I ever believed Wes when he said things would be okay?
But I hadn’t really, had I? Deep down, something in me had always refused to believe the universe would let us be happy together. Life just didn’t work that way.
But what now? What, now that I loved him and wanted him and needed him? What was I going to do? There were no clear answers, no easy way out of these woods, and no one was coming to rescue me. It didn’t compare to the agony of losing Drew, but it reminded me of that time in my life, when I felt like I couldn’t see my way forward.
And it scared me. I never wanted to feel that lost again, that pummeled by life, that powerless to help myself. Yet I’d put myself in this position. I’d tempted fate. I’d allowed myself to love again.
You should have known better.
When I made it to Lenore’s house, I turned off my car and ran for the door. Any other day I might have sat there for a minute and waited to see if the rain would slow down, but all I wanted was to get Abby, take her home, and hug her all day long. And who knew what Lenore was saying to her?
I knocked on the door, and she answered it.
“Hello, Lenore.”
“Hannah.” Her eyes were bloodshot, her expression cool. “Come on in.”
I stepped into the foyer. “I hear Abby isn’t feeling well.”
“Well, of course not. She’s crushed.”
“Where is she?” I asked, ignoring the comment.
“She’s upstairs. But before you get her, could I speak to you in the kitchen please?”
I wanted to say no, but I stood tall. “Okay.” Following her into the kitchen, I rubbed with the space on my finger where my ring used to be.
“Have a seat.” She gestured toward the chairs at the island.
“No, thanks. I’ll stand.”
She sighed. “Hannah, I don’t want to argue about this. I tried to talk some sense into Wes, but he won’t listen.”
“Say what you want to say, Lenore.”
“You loved Drew. I know you did. And I know that it must be confusing for you to see Wes again.”
“Of course I loved Drew. I’ll always love him. But I’m not confused.” Scared, yes. But not confused.
She tried again. “I don’t blame you for wanting to be close to him. It must feel like you have your husband back.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“You don’t love Wes,” she said, as if the idea was preposterous. “You just think you do. You’re lonely and depressed. And he’s a caretaker. He can’t see anyone hurting and not want to heal them. He’s always been that way. Same as his brother.”
She was implying that Wes—and possibly even Drew—didn’t really love me, and even though it made me sick to my stomach, I refused to take that bait. “I know how I feel.”
She crossed her arms. “Well then, if you love him, you should realize that this tawdry affair you’re having could ruin his career. Who’s going to trust his judgment after word of this gets out? The whole practice could go under. And what about Abby?” she went on, without giving me a chance to get a word in. “I cannot believe that any mother would think it was okay to expose her child to the shame of such a thing. Not to mention the fact that she honestly harbored the illusion Wes could suddenly replace her father.”
