Page 35 of From This Moment (After We Fall 4)
I looked at him, but he kept his eyes on Abby. When he didn’t offer anything further—not that I knew what I wanted him to say, just something—I went on. “I was thinking about that day just now.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” I hugged my knees to my chest and wiggled my toes in the sand. “I couldn’t believe how different you two were.”
He smiled slightly.
“You were always such a gentleman, and he was so obnoxious. I couldn’t believe some of the things he said.”
“Yeah. But it worked for him.” Wes looked at me. “He got everything he wanted.”
“You think so?”
“I know it.”
Tears blurred my eyes, and my throat tightened. What the hell? I’d been having such a good day, and suddenly my emotions were all over the place. What came out of my mouth next shocked me. “Drew cheated on me.”
Wes froze. “What?”
“Once. When Abby was a baby and things were tough at home. She wasn’t a good eater or sleeper and things were difficult. I wasn’t paying attention to him.” The words gushed out like blood from a wound.
Wes opened and closed his mouth several times, then focused on Abby again, clearly at a loss for words. His hands had closed into fists.
“You don’t have to say anything.” A tear slipped from one eye, and I wiped it from my cheek. “He told me afterward. He felt so bad about it. He cried. I’d never seen him cry before. But I was so hurt and angry. Because he’d promised me, you know? He’d promised me.” I looked at Wes, watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. “I’ve never told this to anyone before. I don’t even know why I’m telling you now.”
Wes’s lips were pressed together in a thin line, but he still didn’t respond.
“I think it’s that…I forgave him, but I’m still angry about it. And there’s nowhere for that anger to go now. How can I be mad that he cheated on me in the face of what happened? What’s one transgression, for which he was truly, deeply sorry, compared to all the wonderful things he was? He didn’t deserve to die.”
“Of course he didn’t.”
I sniffed, wiping another tear from my cheek. “But what kind of person am I to hold on to anger like that? I couldn’t even bring myself to tell my therapist, because it felt so disloyal to speak ill of him.”
“Fuck, Hannah. You’re human. He hurt you.”
“Yes.”
“He shouldn’t have done that.” Wes’s voice was low and hard.
“No, but it was just one mistake. He was so much more than that. You know he was. But no one else does. They might…judge him.”
“Of course I know it. But he wasn’t perfect. And we don’t have to pretend that he was just because we loved him and he’s gone now.”
I took a few deep breaths, letting that sink in. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I guess it’s just one more thing that feels…I don’t know. Unresolved. But there’s nothing I can do about it.”
A few minutes passed before he spoke again. “I’m sorry he did that to you.”
“You don’t need to apologize for him.”
“It’s not for him. It’s for me.”
“Thanks.” I couldn’t resist leaning his way and tipping my head to his shoulder, the way I used to do with Drew. “I’m sorry I just unloaded that on you. It wasn’t fair.”
“It’s okay.” A moment later, he went on. “I’m here for you. I always will be.”
I wished he would put an arm around me, but he didn’t, and I decided I’d imagined his earlier touch. It couldn’t have been Wes. It was something Drew would have done—he was casually affectionate like that—so my mind, knowing how desperately I missed his touch, had played a trick on me.
Just another ghost.
