Page 31 of From This Moment (After We Fall 4)
Quickly, she gathered her things—bag, towel, flip flops—and disappeared up the steps.
I exhaled.
Later, as I lay in bed feeling despicable and shitty, listening to a summer rain drum against the roof, I replayed the memory of her hand in my hair a thousand times. The slow drag of her fingers, the warmth in her eyes, the hushed voice. I thought about how she’d looked at me by the fire and the dangerous way it made me feel. I wish I knew what she’d been thinking.
She was thinking about her husband, jerkoff. Remember him? Your brother? Maybe she was even pretending you were him.
That had to be it. I couldn’t even blame her. But God, I wished things were different.
Rolling to my back, I put my hands behind my head and stared at the ceiling for a moment before closing my eyes.
There she was. Smiling and soft and sweet and reaching for me. Me. Finding ease in my kiss. Seeking pleasure in my body. Whispering my name in the dark.
My cock started to stiffen, and I suppressed the urge to take it in my hand.
How many nights had I refused to let that fantasy take root in my mind because it was so wrong? A hundred? A thousand? It’s still wrong. Nothing has changed. She doesn’t belong to you. She never has, and she never will.
I had to get over this. But how? Avoid seeing her? That wouldn’t work. Earlier today I’d campaigned to see each other more often, and now she agreed with me.
Maybe it would go away on its own. Maybe I simply had to get used to being around her again, desensitize myself to her charms. Maybe spending time with her would be sort of like allergy shots. Immunotherapy for the heart.
And other parts of my body that like to come alive around her.
Groaning, I rolled onto my side, punched my pillow a few times, and went to sleep.
Seven
HANNAH
After saying good goodnight to Abby, I left my in-laws’ house and called Tess on my way home.
“How was it?” she asked by way of greeting.
“Fine.” I smiled, even though she couldn’t see it. “It was fine, and I’m not even lying.”
She laughed. “Good.”
“Actually, you know what? It was better than fine. I had the best day I’ve had in months. I felt…happy. I think everyone did.”
“That’s great, Hannah.”
“I won’t say it isn’t hard to deal with the fact that Wes looks exactly like the dead man I’m in love with, and there may have been some covert staring and borderline-inappropriate touching of his hair—”
“What?” She coughed. “You just made me choke on my wine.”
Wincing a little, I tried to explain myself. “I just really loved Drew’s hair. And Wes wears his the same way. I’ve been dying to run my fingers through it. Like a comfort thing, I guess. Finally I just reached out and did it. It was almost involuntary, I swear to God.”
“Did anyone see?”
“No. Only Abby was on the beach with us at that point, and she wasn’t looking.”
“What did he do?”
“Nothing. I think he was kind of stunned, but I also think he gets it. He gets me, you know? It’s almost eerie how well he understands my feelings.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
