Page 98 of If You Were Mine (After We Fall 3)
Thirty-Eight
Theo
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The first few days after I broke things off with Claire were the darkest in my recent memory. A huge weight sat on my shoulders. My limbs felt heavier. A constant ache throbbed in my chest. I went to the gym in the morning, worked during the day, and sat at home every night, wallowing in misery and loneliness. At work I played a role, burying my sadness in order to appear friendly, helpful, knowledgeable, and caring.
In truth, I didn’t give a shit about anything or anyone.
Just Claire.
At night, I thought about nothing but her, my head was full of all the things I loved and missed. Her kindness. Her sense of humor. Her laugh. Her lips curving into a smile. Her eyes. The way she talked about her students. The way she loved working with her hands. The way she got excited over little things like hot chocolate and snow and old books. The way she worried about being boring compared to her sister, as if there was anything boring about her.
I’d lie on my back, staring at the ceiling, and remember the way she’d looked at me and touched me and kissed me and taken me inside her. Pretty soon I’d get hard, and I’d close my eyes, take my dick in my hand, and get myself off to the memory of her. But it wasn’t even a close second to being with her, and I never felt relief when it was over—just anger.
Why did this fucking hurt so much? Hadn’t I done the right thing? Not only had I saved myself from a lot of heartbreak down the road, but I’d spared her, too. Now she was free to find the perfect guy she dreamed about all the time.
But if I ever saw them together, I’d fucking take his head off.
Everywhere I went and everything I saw seemed to remind me of her. Women with long hair. The granite slabs at the stoneworks. Anything flavored with sugar and cinnamon or chocolate. I couldn’t even drink a fucking lemonade without missing her.
I didn’t bother to hide my mood from my brother when it was just the two of us on a job. He asked me a few times if I was OK in those early days, but I brushed him off. I wasn’t ready to talk about it.
A week after I’d walked out, he finally brought her up by name. “Did something happen with Claire?”
We were on a lunch break from an installation job, sitting across from each other at a small booth in a sub shop. “Yeah. It’s done.”
He paused. Took a bite of his sub. “Why?”
I shrugged and took a bite of mine without even tasting it. I was unable to meet his eye but figured I’d test out an impassive mask. Act like I didn’t care. Maybe I’d convince myself too. “It was time.”
“It was?” Aaron shrank back a little. “Didn’t look like it to me.”
“Yeah, well. Things aren’t always what they seem.”
He was silent for a minute or so, but I felt his knowing eyes on me. Sizing me up. Seeing me. “She break it off?”
“No. I did.” I stuffed a few potato chips in my mouth.
Aaron set his sandwich down and leaned his elbows on the table. “You bailed on her.”
“So?”
“And you did it not because it was time, or you don’t care about her, but because you do.”
“Fuck off.”
He shook his head. “No. You’re fucking this up on purpose, Theo, and I don’t want you to do it.”
I finally met his eyes. “It’s none of your business.”
“The hell it isn’t. Brothers look out for each other. And when they see each other making a big mistake, they speak up.”
I threw my sandwich down on the wrapper and set my fists on either side of it. “Fine. You spoke up. Now let it go.”
“No. I’ve watched you make too many bad decisions in your life to let this go. You want to tell me you don’t care about her? Fine. I’ll let it go. But I think you do, and I think you left her because you’re scared.?
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