Page 81 of If You Were Mine (After We Fall 3)
“It doesn’t?”
“Nah. Like I said. I don’t even remember her.”
He didn’t say anything more, but I didn’t believe him that it didn’t matter. What did that do to someone, to be abandoned by a mother who’d said she loved him?
I thought about how different my family was than his, how opposite our childhoods had been. The more I learned about Theo’s past, the more amazed I was that he’d grown into such a warm, easygoing person. In many ways, he was much more at ease with himself than I was. But how much of that was an act, a mask he wore so he could keep the painful stuff buried?
No wonder he didn’t like getting close to people. On some subconscious level, he was probably always worried they were going to leave.
‘I’ve fucked up every good thing in my life by giving up on it. Running away from it.’
Because he was scared to stay.
‘And the reason I don’t let anyone get close to me is because I know I’ll disappoint them.’
No, it was because he didn’t think he was enough to make them stay. If she hadn’t…why would anyone else?
A lump built in my throat, but I fought off the tears by concentrating on the warmth of Theo’s body, the smell of his skin, the beat of his heart. He fell asleep first, and I kept still, wrapped in his arms and lulled by the deep, slow rhythm of his breathing.
But I was awake for a long time.
Twenty-Seven
Theo
* * *
The snow had ceased during the night, and reports said the highways were fine, so we decided to take off. Claire had things she needed to get done before school started again, and I had a ton of shit to figure out, too. We drove home separately, and even though I missed her two minutes after I hit the road, I was glad for the time to think.
Things had gone pretty damn near perfectly.
I’d told her exactly who I was, admitted all the shit I’d done, and warned her it wasn’t easy to get close to me. But actually…it had been kind of easy. Or maybe she just made it feel easy. She didn’t judge me, didn’t tell me I was damaged, didn’t insist I fix X,Y, and Z about myself before she’d consider giving me another chance. I’d known from the start she had a heart big enough to let me in, but I hadn’t realized how much I wanted to be there. Or how quickly I’d want her in mine.
I loved hearing about her family, her students, her memories at “the cabin.” Laughing, I shook my head. Calling that log palace a cabin was like calling Mount Everest “the anthill.” But even though she’d grown up privileged, she wasn’t spoiled. The things she enjoyed most in life were not luxuries. She wanted to inspire and be inspired—that mattered more to her than anything. She wanted to take care of people and things. She wanted to feel good about herself.
She was pure gold, and no way in hell was I good enough for her. But if she was willing to put up with me, I’d do everything I could to make her happy, things I’d never done for anyone before.
Work hard and work honestly. Meet her friends and family. Introduce her to Aaron and Josie and the girls. Stay.
For her, I’d stay.
Twenty-Eight
Claire
* * *
On the drive home, I called Margot.
“Hello?”
“I owe you a hundred bucks.” I couldn’t keep the grin off my face.
She gasped. “Seriously?”
“Seriously. I went up to the cabin for some time away, and he showed up.”
“Oh my God. And?”
