Page 46 of If You Were Mine (After We Fall 3)
“Maybe he’ll come around. Get in touch again.”
“I doubt it. We didn’t even exchange numbers. The only place we ever communicated was through the Hotties for Hire site.”
“Sounds like you communicated pretty well in the kitchen too.”
I glanced over at the kitchen table. Would I ever be able to look at it again and not think of the way he moved? The way he drove me to clutch and claw and beg? The way he made my body yearn and stretch and quiver? “Yeah.”
Jaime sighed. “I’m sorry, Claire. I mean, I’m glad you had a great time, and I’m proud of you for coloring outside the lines a little, but I wish you were happier about it.”
“I’m happy about it.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. “It did feel good to be a little daring. And I learned some things about myself.”
“Such as?”
I thought for a moment. “I like a dirty mouth.”
She snickered. “Me too.”
“And I shouldn’t be ashamed of what I want.”
“Fuck no.”
“I can wear red lipstick.”
“Wait—red lipstick? You don’t wear red lipstick.”
“I did last night. I’ve been thinking about Margot a lot, about the night she threw those scones. I wanted to channel some of that badassery.”
Jaime laughed. “I think you succeeded.”
“But I also learned I’m not good at the whole ’no expectations’ thing. I told him it was OK and I just wanted to have a good time for a night, but when it was time to say goodbye, I was sad. I wanted there to be a next time.”
“God, I used to be great at the no-expectations-sex thing. But you know what? I’ve learned to embrace the expectations. I don’t always live up to them and neither does Quinn, but we try and we forgive and we make it up to each other. There’s something to be said for that give and take. Don’t feel bad for wanting it.”
“I guess I don’t.” I tried to find the bright side. “I had fun. That’s more than I expected. And what happened between us didn’t have to mean everything, I only wish it had meant something.”
“I’m sorry. Want to hang out this afternoon? Go shopping? See a movie or something?”
“Actually, I have some things around the house I need to work on today. Maybe tonight?”
“I’m having dinner with Quinn tonight. He’s cooking.”
“Oh.” Of course she was. Saturday night was for boyfriends.
“Why don’t you join us? He’s making pierogi,” she said temptingly.
“No, thanks. Quinn’s cooking is always delicious, but I’ll just be in the way.”
“Claire, come on. You’re always welcome here. And I hate to think of you alone and sad.”
“Really, I’m fine,” I said, although I wasn’t, not really. I felt oddly close to tears, in fact. “I’ve got a ton of stuff to do today. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”
“Invitation is always open if you change your mind.”
“Thanks. I’ll talk to you later.”
“OK. Bye.”
I hung up and set the phone down, then took a deep breath and a big gulp of hot coffee to keep my cool. No need to cry over this disappointment. I still had friends and family and the house to work on, and maybe later I’d paint or sketch a little. That always made me feel better.
