But that isn’t it at all.
Somehow, in the last three months, I’ve fallen hard for Parrish.
“This is going to kill Tess,” he murmurs against my mouth, but more like he’s apologizing to the universe rather than trying to convince either of us to stop. “It’ll kill her.”
“Good.” I shouldn’t say it because I don’t mean it, but … fuck that. And fuck her. How could she write such horrible things about me? And with every intention of publishing them. Of profiting off of them. That career of hers that she can’t seem to decide if she loves or hates.
Guess I’m not the only part of her life that she’s confused about.
“Take your sweatshirt off.”
Parrish complies, ripping that stupid school sweater over his head and then taking my face between his inked hands. He kisses me with a desperate sort of reverence but also with a careful and cracked reluctance, like this is something he’s been wanting to do all week and wouldn’t let himself.
He’s not wearing anything underneath, revealing a sea of ink that I feel compelled to touch, ensorcelled even. My fingertips trail down his bare midsection, causing him to suck in a sharp breath. I watch enthralled as his stomach muscles contract with the motion. He really is pretty, his body fully on the side of man rather than boy. It’s too much.
I kiss him again and this time, I bite his bottom lip and make him groan.
“You’ve really never done this before?” I ask, and then after a heartbeat, I add, “have sex with someone?”
“No.” Just that one word. Parrish stares at me, his face like thunderclouds in a summer sky, rumbling and dark and moody and yet somehow appealing anyway. “Why did you have to be Tess’ daughter? Why? You’re the most forbidden person on earth for me right now.” Here he pauses and I suck in a sharp breath. “And also, the only person that I want. Dakota, I’ve made my decision.”
“Do you have a condom?” I manage to get out, because I can’t possibly give that the reply it deserves, not right now. Parrish cringes and grits his teeth, shaking his head once before we’re interrupted by a knock on the door.
The person on the other side doesn’t wait for us to answer, and my heart launches itself into my throat with panic as I imagine Tess opening it to find us in this state. Even as I tell myself that I want to hurt her, I’m afraid. Why, I’m not exactly sure.
But it’s not Tess.
Instead, it’s … Chasm.
He looks like someone just punched him in the stomach, like he can’t breathe, like he’s dying. My rebellious heart plummets just as quickly and I feel sick.
“Here,” he says, opening his book bag and pulling out a handful of condoms. Without waiting for either of us to answer, he drops the pile on the small dresser near the bedroom door. And then he looks at me, like really looks at me, and that same rebellious heart cracks in half. “I hope you two know what you’re doing.”
“I know what I’m doing,” Parrish snaps back at him, raking his fingers through his beautiful hair.
“Kwang-seon,” I start, but Chasm just raises his hand as if to beg me to stop. Pretty sure there isn’t anything I could say right now that would make him feel better. I’m … I think I might be in love with Parrish. Even if it’s a shallow, teenage-hormone induced love, I don’t care. It’s there, and I can’t deny it.
Chasm lifts his head up to look at Parrish, meeting his friend’s eyes with the most serious expression I’ve ever seen on his face. He says something in Korean, but Parrish doesn’t respond. When I look back at him, he seems pissed.
“Please teach me …” I start, but Chasm just scoffs at me.
“Can it, Little Sister,” he says, and then he’s slamming the door in our faces.
For a moment, Parrish and I just stand there in silence.
I feel torn in half. One side of me wants to stay here with Parrish forever; it’s the only place I want to be. The other half is desperate to chase after Chasm, to ask why he’s here, to find out why he looked so broken at seeing the two of us together.
But then Parrish puts his hands on my shoulders and turns me to face him. The second half of me, the part that’s enthralled by Kwang-seon, it goes quiet. Dims. Shadows cover that moon and block out all of its silver night. All I can see is Parrish’s face, like the sun as it shines down on me.
He reaches out with his right hand and presses the lock on his bedroom door. Won’t stop Tess from unlocking it, but it’ll buy us time.
“This is worth the risk.” I say it aloud because I have to hear him agree with me. I have to or else I can’t go through with this.
