Page 46 of You for Her (The Edge of Retaliation 2)
Still, I can’t handle the silence with Tanner anymore.
We have so many unspoken words between us, and we really need to start getting them out of the way. Jo is right, we might never see each other again after this trip. Would we be truly okay with the words that have passed between us thus far being enough? I don’t think so.
“Are we going to sit in silence forever?” I dare to ask, my voice hesitant. I don’t want to make him angry, yet at the same time I can’t sit like this anymore.
“Yes,” he growls, eyes on the road.
We’re slowing down coming into a city, so I know we’ll stop for a break soon and I know he’ll get out, ignore me, and we’ll be back to square one, so this is the only chance I have of actually getting somewhere.
“Look, I know you hate me, Tanner, but …”
“Stop, Callie,” he warns. “I’m not in the mood.”
“I understand that, I really do, but we can’t go on like this forever.”
“What is it you want from me?” he barks, making Ethan jerk on the back seat. “For us to be fuckin’ friends? Did you forget what I did to you? Did you forget that I fuckin’ wanted you to pay? Did you forget that I set your whole fuckin’ life up to be a lie?”
“No, I did not forget,” I snap back. “But I also know that one minute you’re calling me selfish because I’m not letting that stuff go, and now you’re asking me if I’ve forgotten. What is it you want me to do, Tanner? Feel sorry for myself, or let it go?”
“Fuck,” he yells so loudly I flinch. “I don’t know a fuckin’ thing, Callie. I can’t sleep, I can’t fuckin’ think, my head spins all day and I feel like I’m goin’ to lose my fuckin’ mind. I’ve lost my best friend, I’ve got the girl I was tormenting wrongly for months in the car with me, and I can’t fuckin’ breathe!”
He’s roaring now, his voice an angry bark that makes my whole body feel tight. Ethan is sitting up now, and his face is concerned. “Tanner, calm down,” he says, his voice careful. “It’s not goin’ to make you feel any better.”
“Get fucked, Ethan,” Tanner bellows, slamming his fist onto the steering wheel angrily. “You know nothin’ about anything because you fuckin’ took her side. You took her fuckin’ side instead of stickin’ by your family.”
“That’s because she’s fuckin’ innocent, Tanner,” Ethan growls back.
Oh, boy.
“So was Celia!” Tanner roars, his fingers so tense around the steering wheel. “So was Celia! She didn’t deserve to fuckin’ die!”
“Calm down, Tanner,” Ethan says again.
“Fuckin’ fuck you!”
“Tanner,” I say, worried now that he’ll have an accident. “You need to pull over.”
“Don’t tell me what to fuckin’ do, Callie. Are you scared that I might hit someone? Kill them like you killed her? An accident? Is it ever truly a fuckin’ accident? I can’t handle this shit anymore. I want to like you, then I want to fuckin’ hate you. I can’t put my mind in the right place. You weren’t watchin’, if you were watchin’ Celia would still be here.”
“Accidents happen all the time, you cannot blame me forever,” I yell at him.
“Can’t I?” he laughs, bitterly. “It’s a fuckin’ lot easier.”
“Fuck you, Tanner!”
He glances over at me, quickly, his eyes locking onto mine, “Fuck you, Callie. It’s your fault she’s dead. An accident, I call fuckin’—”
“Tanner!” Ethan suddenly roars. “Watch out!”
Tanner’s head whips back to the front of the car and he realizes he’s near a pedestrian crossing. There is an older lady walking across it. He reacts quickly, slamming on his brakes so hard my hands fly out in front of me, smashing into the windshield. Pain shoots through my arm as the car skids slightly to the left, Tanner’s attempt to miss the old woman. She stops, her eyes wide, her hands on her chest.
Flashes of memory come flooding back into my mind.
I see it all again.
Celia’s face.
Her eyes.
The smile she gave me.
I don’t realize I’m screaming until the car comes to a stop, mere inches from the old woman.
So fucking close.
I can’t breathe.
My breaths are coming in short, hard bursts as fear grips my body. I almost relived that moment again. The pain that came with it. The horror that followed after it. I’m going to pass out. I can’t get control of my breathing. My hands are trembling. Everything around me is spinning.
I need to get out of this car.
I need to move.
Now.
I unclip my belt in a haze, panting and whimpering as I shove the door open and stumble out of the car. There are people around the old woman now, and Tatum’s car has stopped behind us.
I can’t stop.
“Callie!” Tanner yells as I start running.
