Page 51 of This for That (The Edge of Retaliation 1)
“What did you do over the weekend?” I ask him, as we round the corner to the dining room.
“I went on a date with Mary, actually,” he tells me.
I go quiet, purely out of shock. He’s never told me about much of his life outside these walls. Of course, I always ask him what he ate for dinner, and what he did on the weekend, and he’s usually happy to tell me the basics, but he never gets into details. Never. Not ever. So it surprises me he’s so openly told me this.
“Oh, really? That’s nice,” I say, but my stomach feels funny. It twists a little painfully. “Was it enjoyable?”
Is my voice different?
Do I sound jealous?
I sound jealous. I know I do.
“It was okay,” he tells me. “She was a little full on.”
Oh. Thank God. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure you’ll find someone soon.”
“Yeah, I’m not in any hurry.” He glances at me, and he has a strange expression on his face.
I flush and turn away, and we walk in silence for a few moments, then I say, “So, what amazing food did you eat on the weekend?”
He laughs. “You and your food.”
“Hey, we get the same meals in here, and you know how crappy they are. A girl has to dream. Come on, spill the beans.”
“I had pizza on Saturday.”
“Oh, God, what did it have on it?”
“You know . . .”
“Pepperoni and cheese!” I clap happily, making the two people in front of us turn around and look at me. I stare blankly at them until they look away. “What about Sunday?”
“Pancakes for breakfast, and then I had some steak when I went out on Sunday night.”
“I’m so jealous.” I sigh. “I think the first thing I’m going to do when I get out of here is go and eat everything in sight. I’ll probably end up so fat I can’t move, but I don’t care.”
“You’ll never be fat,” he murmurs.
My cheeks flush again. Dammit. I wish I knew why that happened.
“I’ve put in a few good reports for you, trying to see if you can get an earlier release on good behavior. I can’t promise anything, but if your lawyer looks at it, he might consider bringing it forward to the judge to relook at it.”
I look to him, eyes wide, and whisper, “You did?”
“Yeah, I did. You don’t deserve to be in here, Callie. I’ve never believed you did. Outside of a rough start, you’ve been exceptionally well-behaved, and I think you deserve to be rewarded for that. If I can get a few guards to put in reports also, we might have a chance. Of course, in the end, it comes down to the judge, but it’s worth a shot.”
“Thank you,” I say, and I mean it. Oh, do I mean it.
I don’t know where I’d be without him.
I really don’t.
“IT WASN’T GRANTED,” my lawyer tells me, sitting across from me at the visitor’s table. “I’m sorry, Callie. I guess the judge felt strongly about the case. She would prefer you do your full sentence.”
My heart sinks. My body feels like it’s going to collapse in the chair.
Even though I knew this could happen, some part of me, a tiny part, hoped that maybe, just maybe, I might get out of here earlier. I know I shouldn’t have hung hope on that, but the truth is, I’d been hanging hope on it. I was dreaming of all the things I’d do, and all the time I’d get. Knowing that it isn’t going to happen feels like a knife to the heart.
“Did she give a reason why?” I ask, my voice crackly.
“No, she just denied it. We don’t really have the right to ask why. Her decision is her choice. I’m sorry. I’ll keep trying, but there isn’t much more I can do.”
I thank him with a dull and broken voice, and he leaves. I stare at the door, hoping he’ll turn around and tell me he’s just kidding. I am reminded of Celia, and all the things she missed out on. Who am I to cry about not getting out early? Maybe the judge does think I deserve to be in here for the full sentence. Maybe she’s right.
I’m escorted back to my room, and my heart feels heavy and tight in my chest. I sit on the edge of my bed, but I don’t cry. I stopped crying. I stopped letting the emotions eat away at me. I feel them, all the same, but I guess I just ran out of tears. After all, I cried for so long, I can’t possibly cry anymore.
I still dream of Celia every night.
I still think about her every day.
But she has taken all of my tears. She has taken them and they’re not coming back.
