Page 40 of This for That (The Edge of Retaliation 1)
I don’t care.
I’m fine with that.
Officer Corel opens the door and we step inside. I glance around the room. Yep, plain alright. Not a single thing is in here for entertainment. Not even a desk. There is a bed, a toilet and shower, and that’s it. The walls are plain white. The floor is a stark grey. There’s nothing in here to make you feel safe at all. But that’s the point, isn’t it? They don’t want us happy; they want us to learn.
“What were you thinking, Callie?” Officer Corel asks, turning towards me.
I stare up at him, crossing my arms. There is blood running down my chin, and my cheek is throbbing, but I don’t care. I honestly don’t care. “I was thinking that I’m sick to death of those girls tormenting me.”
“If you’re sick of it, you come and talk to someone!”
I laugh, bitterly. “Come on. You and I both know that nobody is going to do anything to help me. They’re going to warn them, which will in turn make them angrier, and I’ll end up having to deal with their wrath. Let’s not play stupid here; we both know those girls will not stop until I fight back. So, I fought back.”
“Wrong,” Officer Corel growls. “You fight back, you’ll go down the same path as Trisha. You’ll get longer in here. Do you want that? Do you want to stay in here, Callie?”
“I’m in here for six fucking years!” I scream. “Do you think it matters? Do you think anything matters?”
I can’t stop it; tears burst forth and roll down my cheeks. Frustration grips my chest, and I feel a mix of incredible sadness, and incredible anger. I can’t deal with this anymore. I don’t even want to try. I’m so sick of being here, so sick of feeling like this all the time. Nothing I do is ever going to make it go away.
“My own brother doesn’t even want to help me. My father is ashamed of me. My mother is more worried about herself. I have nothing left out there either, do you understand? I’m without anything. Here or there. What’s the point in fighting when you have nothing to fight for? I don’t care anymore. I don’t care.”
“Listen here,” Officer Corel growls, grabbing my shoulder and slamming me down so I’m sitting on the bed. He leans in close, and in a low voice, he growls, “You do not give up that easily. Do you understand me? You fight. You fight for your justice. You fight for your truth. You don’t need other people to hold you up in life, Callie. You only need yourself. So your family gave up. Screw them. You’re stronger than all of this.”
“I’m not,” I hiss back. “I’m not stronger than all of this. That girl is dead because of me. She’s gone. She’s gone because I wasn’t paying attention. Maybe she did step out in front of me, but in the end, does it matter? If I was watching, I would have been able to see her and slow down. I still would have hit her. In the end, this is on me, no matter what. Max is right; it’s time I accept and face that.”
“Yeah, you’re right, it was on you, and you were doing the wrong thing. You’re paying for that. Does that mean that you don’t deserve to know the truth? That others don’t deserve to know the truth? No, of course it doesn’t. You owe it to that girl to find out what happened to make her feel that way. The only way you’re going to do that is to get through this. Get tough, Callie. You won’t survive this world if you don’t.”
He lets me go and turns, walks out, and locks the door.
The tears keep rolling down my cheeks.
He’s right; I do owe it to her to find out what happened to make her feel like she had to step I front of that car.
The only problem is, I don’t know if I have any more strength left.
I feel like I’m drowning.
Only this time, I don’t want to try and swim.
I just want to sink.
16
NOW – CALLIE
“You’re going to speak to Sophie and Jessika?” Ethan asks, leaning against my counter and sipping a coffee. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“I have to face these people eventually, Ethan. I owe it to them to at least apologize for what I did. They don’t have to forgive me, but they deserve that.”
“Yeah, they do, but it’s a big deal. It could bring up things for them that they don’t want to face . . .”
I shrug, because, well, I have to do this, no matter what it brings up for them. I completely understand that seeing me might remind them of a bad time in their lives, but I have to make this right. I have to. One thing I learned being away, is that you can’t hold onto this stuff; you have to let it go, or it’ll eat you.
